The Not Love Story
by Silva Bramley
Summary: She wanted to find her perfect prince. He wanted to avoid love entirely. She was bursting with sunshine. He was a Debbie downer. They made absolutely no sense together, and yet, they formed an unlikely friendship. Maybe opposites really do attract. AU.
1. And So It Starts

**Chapter One: And so it starts…**

When Shikamaru was younger, he thought maybe he would like to meet a nice, regular woman and have nice, regular children. Then, he and his nice, regular wife would grow old watching their nice, regular children grow up and start their own nice, regular families.

This was a lovely little idea that seemed very possible…until, that is, high school happened. And, bad relationships happened. He found himself continually attracting women who weren't even close to his idea of what would make a nice, regular wife. In fact, all the girls he dated probably belonged in strait jackets.

Luckily, because misery loves company and all that jazz, his friends all seemed to be having the same problems. They just couldn't find the right girl, and after several attempts that ended in (he wouldn't say heartbreak, because men hearts didn't break, they were far too manly) suffering, they gave up.

Unofficially, but sort of officially, they gathered at the local basketball court and made the vow to remain bachelors for the rest of their lives before splitting into teams of shirts and skins. However, these young men, like most young men, were quite ignorant of the ways of Love. There was no surer way of falling in love than to proclaim that you would never ever settle down and start a family, or, God forbid, meet the girl of your dreams and love her till the day you die.

Giving up on Love was like directly challenging Love to marry you off despite all your best attempts to prevent feelings of that kind at all. It was your own death sentence. You would be better off just giving in and letting Love put whatever woman in your life that Love so choses to.

But, Shikamaru was stubborn. So, while all of his friends started accidentally meeting women and falling in love, he remained single. He witnessed the sort of women they dated, shrill and nagging like his mother had been. And, because Love was persistent, his so-called bachelor-till-the-end friends began to roll over onto their bellies and marry these shrill and nagging women until only Kiba and he remained.

And that brings us to our current scene: Shikamaru standing behind the altar on aching feet in a tuxedo that was a little too snug. Yes, he was at Kiba's wedding. At age twenty-five, Shikamaru was the only one of his friends who remained single. He was the only one of his friends who didn't have dates for any of the weddings. He was the only one that was accused of being gay (not that there was anything wrong with being gay, but he wasn't).

There's Kiba standing at the altar, grinning like he'd just won the lottery. Stupid, weak Kiba who'd fallen in love and left Shikamaru alone to keep the Bachelor Oath. Shikamaru followed his gaze down the aisle and saw the bride standing at the entrance. The music picked up and she made her slow procession to the altar, with eyes only for the dressed up buffoon who was her groom. Shikamaru hated the both of them and couldn't help but think about how all the marital happiness would be dissolved in a few years. Divorce rates were up recently after all.

The wedding took forever (they always do) and was incredibly corny (they always are). Shikamaru was glad when all the "I do's" and vows had been said and he could stop by the reception for a quick drink and congratulations before he skipped out (like he always did). If he hurried, he could probably catch the end of game.

An over powering scent of flowers blasted him as he opened the door to the reception room. Of course, Mr. Hyuuga hadn't spared any expense in his youngest daughter's marriage and the room was covered in flowers and finery. In the center of the floor was an impressive display of flowers that he would almost call a sculpture, but wasn't sure if that was quite the term for it. Model, perhaps? Well, whatever it was, the smell was so sweet that it made his stomach cramp and churn. Ugh, he'd better just get the congratulations over with.

He swiped a champagne bottle and glass from a passing waiter (he deserved at least that much for the crap he put up with from his oath-breaking friends) and hurried towards the newly married couple, hoping to catch them before any dancing started so he could make his clean escape.

"Hey!" Kiba said exuberantly when he caught sight of Shikamaru. Shikamaru looked for any signs that the strength of the flower's fragrance was bugging him, but the man appeared to be completely and utterly happy and unperturbed. "I was wondering when I'd see you. Preparing to sneak off, are you?"

"You caught me," Shikamaru deadpanned, much too lazy to bother covering his escape. Kiba only laughed. He poured some champagne in the glass and handed it to the bride. "Many congratulations to the two of you, I hope you live happily together till the end of your days." _And all that junk._

"Thank you, Shikamaru," Hanabi said with a small curtsey. Kiba laughed again and pulled her in for a kiss. Shikamaru took that as his chance to escape and was out the door with the champagne bottle before they parted.

Once he was out in the open, he sucked in a large breath, glad that he could breathe without feeling like he was going to lose his lunch. Thinking about lunch reminded him that he had passed on the food served at the wedding dinner because it didn't seem to be fit to digest, looking prettier than it tasted.

He switched his direction to the nearest bar, with the thought that he could eat some real (greasy) supper and grab some beer to watch the game on DVR with. Shikamaru was nearly across the parking lot, thoughts of a good rest of the night in his head, when a flower van came hurtling out of nowhere into the parking space just in front of him (or rather, the two parking spaces in front of him, because whoever was driving parked sloppily in the middle). He lurched back, startled that he was just almost squashed into a pancake, when the driver of the van flew out of the seat, and totally disregarded him as she hurried across the street.

Disgruntled that she didn't even apologize, Shikamaru followed after her. He caught up with her on the sidewalk, grabbing her shoulder and spinning her around, "Hey, Lady."

"What?" she asked, breathlessly, looking back at her destination impatiently "Is this about the parking job? Disregard it, I'm only returning this movie. It's due in two minutes!"

She tapped the screen of her cell phone, which had a picture of her sitting in a beach chair in a swim suit with a big black dog (a rather fetching picture, Shikamaru admitted…to himself) and large, boldface numbers that said, "11:58." Then, as if this settled everything, she turned on her heel and continued her rush to the video store.

"But you just…," he started to protest, but she held up a finger to silence him.

"Could you wait just a second? I'm on a deadline at the moment," she said, still walking and still not facing him. He stopped following her and watched as she dropped the movie into the return box.

He was considering just going on to the bar when she flicked back her long blonde hair and gestured at him impatiently, "Well, come on."

Shikamaru shrugged his shoulders to no one in particular and, maybe against his better judgment (what the heck, he might get a free movie or meal out of this), followed the blonde into the video store.

They walked down several aisles, the blonde's eyes moving rapidly over the shelves of movies. Occasionally she would pause and read the back of one, but then would return it to the shelf. After approximately six minutes of this, Shikamaru began to wonder why he was even there, "What're you doing?"

"Uhm, looking for movies," the girl said like he was stupid.

Frustrated, he forced himself to take a deep breath before saying, "No, why did you tell me to follow you?"

"Well, you seemed to have something important to say to me," she said, stopping to read the back of a movie. "So, what're you waiting for?"

"Oh, uh, I was going to tell you that you nearly hit me back there," Shikamaru said a bit lamely (a lot, more likely).

"Oh," she held the movie up for his inspection. "What do you think of this one?"

"It looks like a low budget romance that's probably overtly corny and not worth the two dollars it'll cost to rent a night," he said honestly (while honestly thinking why he was even bothering with this lady…she obviously didn't care that she had almost hit him). Then, "Well?"

"Well, what kind of movies do you like? Comedy? Horror? Thrillers? Action?" she asked, pointing to their corresponding sections. With a wry grin she added, "Romances?"

"I like the first four you mentioned, though I prefer thrillers. I also like mysteries…hang on! You've yet to say anything about nearly running me down out there!"

"Wait, so now I nearly ran you down? Way to be melodramatic! I…is that champagne? Why didn't you say anything about having champagne? Ooh, and it's the really expensive kind!" she said, her anger fading quickly as she gushed over the designer bottle of wine.

"Lady, are you going to apologize or not?" Shikamaru asked, squeezing the bridge of his nose. Stupid people made his head hurt. That's why he couldn't spend too much alone time with Naruto. Shikamaru was a lazy person, but a person who is exposed to too much Naruto in too little of a time has all the motivation in the world to (despite how much work it'd take to cover it up) murder him.

"Look, maybe we got off on the wrong foot. You're wearing all black, you know, so it's very hard to see you in the dark. Anyway, my name isn't Lady. It's Ino. And, I like champagne. A lot. And, I was already planning on making it up to you. Yeesh, you need to learn some patience," the girl, Ino, said.

Shikamaru crossed his arms and asked (a bit hesitantly), "What did you have in mind?"

She sighed heavily, "I figured I could rent you a movie, since this store was conveniently over here. And, I'm guessing you've been at the wedding and haven't really eaten supper."

"I haven't," he said, not really sure if the benefit of a free meal was worth spending more time with this girl. Maybe she would take pity on him and give him a gift card or something.

"Let's pick something out, then," she said, dragging Shikamaru behind her as she left the (corny, stupid, torturous, horrid, unmanly) romance section. After twenty minutes of debate, in which he felt his head was going to explode from her close scrutiny and particularity with every option, they had finally decided on a comedy slash adventure slash romance (he didn't really agree with the last part, but he was would watch any piece of crap if it meant he didn't have to endure another twenty minutes of indecisiveness).

"This is going to be great. I've wanted to see this movie for so long," she gushed as they crossed the street again with linked arms. She insisted that since he was dressed the part of a gentleman, then he should escort her like one. Shikamaru was becoming increasingly worried about where they were going to watch the movie. Was she going to trick him back to her place and try to sink her manicured nails into him forever so that he'd be the next one going down the aisle?

He glanced at her and thought that, while she looked pretty pleasing, her personality didn't quite agree with him. Besides, he had an oath to keep.

Shikamaru realized that she was still talking, "I'm glad you'll be here to watch it with me. Waiting for these things to get over is so boring. They drag on way too long into the night."

"We're watching it in here?" Shikamaru asked, pointing at the mud and dust stained rear windows of the flower van. In barely legible letters it read, "Yamanaka's Flower Shoppe" above the handles.

Ino swung open the back doors and gestured grandly at the gloomy depths within, "Of course! Haven't you ever viewed a movie at this venue? You can get right up close to the screen and the company is great."

His eyes adjusted to the darkness and he could see several empty racks lining the sides and a few empty flower pots strewn about them and the floor. In the way front, secured to the back of the driver and passenger seats was an old looking TV hooked up to a VCR and DVD player.

Ino climbed in and amended, "It may not be the most sophisticated set up, but it makes do."

Shikamaru followed her in but stopped short of the bean bag chair. Ino was already leaned against it, getting the movie out of the case. When she noticed that he was still standing awkwardly behind her, she gave him a curious glance and asked, "What?"

"Is there anywhere else to sit?"

She laughed, "I don't have cooties, you chicken."

With a 'humph' he settled down beside her. After the movie started, she snatched the champagne away from him and asked, "You want to play a game?"

"Not really," he deadpanned.

Usually girls would get the hint and leave him alone after a terse response as such, but she only laughed again. Her head must be too thick for anything to get through. "Okay, here's the rules. You guess something about me, and, if you're right, then I have to take a drink. But, if you're wrong, then you have to take two drinks. And, vice versa."

"No," he said in the same monotone voice.

She continued to ignore him, "Hm, I bet that you were one of the groomsmen at the wedding tonight."

"…"

"Well," she pressed, "am I right?"

"Yes," Shikamaru said, mostly out of hope that she would leave him alone.

"Ha, success! You have to take a drink," Ino trumpeted.

"Aren't we supposed to be watching the movie?" he asked with a sigh, not taking the bottle she was offering.

She pushed it at him again, "Come on. Take a drink, you have to."

"No."

"Oh, I see how it is. You're too afraid to lose to a girl," Ino taunted.

Shikamaru didn't want her to think her goading was working, but he was tired of her pushiness and took the bottle with a sigh. Maybe the game would die out after a few rounds. He took a drink, enjoying the taste of it. "Don't you think it's not very classy to play drinking games with champagne?"

She shrugged, "Everything's classier when champagne is involved."

"Fair enough," he said, passing the bottle back to her. She shook her head and refused to accept it back. "What?"

"You have to ask a question now," Ino snuggled further into the bean bag and gave him a raised eye brows look as if she didn't expect him to get it right.

"I bet that you have a big, black dog," Shikamaru said. The surprised fall in her expression made him grin (and maybe snicker a bit). The shocked look turned into a scowl, and she took her required drink. "What's her name?"

"His. His name is Hiro," she said. She tapped her finger to her chin while she thought of her guess. She bolted upright after a moment, "Wait. I just realized that I don't even know your name."

He knew that social etiquette called for him to respond with his name, but that would be forming an acquaintance and he didn't care to know her for longer than tonight. One look was enough to tell him that she was troublesome. And, women were never worth the trouble.

"Fine, if you won't tell me then…I bet your name is Akira," she said.

Shikamaru snorted, "No."

She shrugged her shoulders again and drank from the bottle without complaint.

Then, it was his turn again. He had no idea what to ask, so he grasped at the first one that came to his mind, "I bet your hair color is fake."

"No!" Ino said, touching her ponytail defensively. "This is one hundred percent natural. I would never damage my hair by using dyes."

"Hey, the guess was valid. Not very many blondes these days are true ones," he said.

"I guess that makes me a rare commodity," she said with a sniff. "Drink up."

He did.

The rest of the game continued the same way.

"I bet your name is Kazuo."

"No. I bet you didn't go to college."

"I did. I bet your name is Takashi."

"Nope. I bet you majored in something stupid. Like, Art."

"Why are you so mean with your questions? I did, but I focused on how art affects the mind, especially in those with mental illness. I bet your name is Toshio."

"No. And, I never said I was nice. If you were a more cautious driver, you wouldn't have to deal with me in the first place. I bet you watch soap operas."

"No, I don't waste my time on those repetitive plot lines. I like corny romances far better. I bet your name is Masao."

"No. Since you'll never guess on your own, my name is Shikamaru."

"You forgot to make a guess."

"I bet that you wanted to be a singer or a model when you were younger."

"Both, actually. I bet you were named after your father."

"Yes. I bet that you have a younger sibling that you compete with for attention."

"Nope, I'm an only child. I bet you had a date tonight, but ditched her at the reception."

"No, I don't care for dates. And, I'm not that much of a jerk to ditch her if I did."

"You don't care for dates? I bet you're a closet gay."

"Not even close. I bet you've gotten taken home by the police before."

"No, I was a good child, mostly. I bet your parents are divorced."

"They're still happily together, for some crazy reason. What about you? I bet your parents are divorced."

"No, but it's just my dad and I, anymore. I bet you had your heart broken by a girl, and that's why you're so mean."

"Men hearts don't break. But, I did have a bad break up. I bet you were Prom Queen."

"That's actually very nice of you. Maybe you're not such a bad person after all. And, yes. Yes, I was. I bet you…"

There was sharp rap on the van doors. Ino held the bottle up to the TV light and Shikamaru saw that it was nearly all gone. "What is it?"

"We're ready for you to pack up," came a man's voice. Ino sighed and set the champagne bottle on an upturned flower pot.

The van doors opened up to display Neji in the soft light of the parking lot lights, and Shikamaru felt his eyes automatically narrow. No matter that the offence had happened four years ago, the pain still felt fresh. He focused on smoothing his expression and crawled out of the van after Ino.

"I thought you'd left already," Neji said when he spotted Shikamaru. "Kiba said you'd gone home early, like usual."

"I was on my way home, but this crazy woman driver nearly ran me down," Shikamaru said, jabbing a thumb in Ino's general direction and ignoring her annoyed scowl.

Neji lifted his eyebrows, looking amused, and then headed back to the reception hall without another word. Ino wasted no time turning to him and berating him, "You're more dramatic than any girl I know, you realize that?"

"Whatever," he said, digging his hands into his pockets and following Neji's trail.

"Wait!" Ino ran to catch up with him. "Are you going to help me pack up?"

"I was just going to wait inside while you packed up. It's kind of chilly, so I wasn't going to wait in the car while the heat's off. Don't forget you still owe me a dinner," Shikamaru said.

Ino frowned deeply, "Pfft, figures. You're as lazy as you look! Don't you know anything about chivalry?"

"Don't you know anything about parking?"

"Ugh! There's no talking to you!"

She crossed her arms tightly across her chest and didn't say anything for the remaining walk to the door. It was a nice change, but Shikamaru was sure it wasn't a long-term change. He wondered at women's need to fill silence with unneeded (and unwanted) talk while holding the door open for her. The small gesture of kindness wasn't enough to melt the frosty look on her face.

He watched as she began to move some of the pots near the doorway. It looked like a lot of work, and he knew it was the guy code to help, but it was also her job. He wasn't going to do the work and then let her get paid for it. No way. He hardly wanted to do his own job.

Several of the Hyuuga males returned to the reception hall, packing up other things. Ino suddenly (mysteriously) had troubles with the pots. One of the Hyuugas noticed and wandered her way.

"Hey, do you need help with those pots, Miss…," said the Hyuuga.

"Ino," Ino said, pushing her hair out of her face and looking up at him through her lashes. "And, I wouldn't want to be a bother."

"Oh, don't worry about it," the man said, flexing his muscles. "We're pretty much finished with what we need to do. We wouldn't mind helping you, would we?"

The others in his group agreed and Ino smiled sweetly and thanked them. Shikamaru watched the men gather up the pots and bring them out to the van under Ino's direction. When all the pots were placed in their rightful spots on the shelves, and the men had departed with nothing much more than another smile from the crafty blonde, Shikamaru clapped his hands.

"What?" she said, making a face.

"Bravo," Shikamaru said, still clapping his hands. "You sure have the feminine wiles down pat. That's one of the reasons I don't waste my time dating. Women are evil."

"You've yet to see the extent of my powers," she said, wiggling her fingers sarcastically on the last word. Shikamaru had never met a woman before who was so immune to his terse and deadpan (and often rude) manner. "Follow me."

He was curious, so he followed her back into the hall. She strode straight up to one of the waiters, who smiled when he saw her coming.

"Could you tell me the brand of champagne that was served tonight? It was the best I've had in a long time," Ino said, doing the whole looking-up-through-her-lashes-that-are-also-fluttering-in-a-pleasant-manner thing.

Shikamaru watched with shocked awe, as the waiter offered to do better than just telling her the brand, taking her to the back to see the stock, and then giving her five bottles of the expensive champagne.

When they were back in the van, leaning against the beanbag, Shikamaru let out a low whistle, "You're scary."

Ino laughed and opened the lid, "Care to finish our game?"

"No. I hate the game," Shikamaru said.

"I bet you had a stuffed animal you couldn't sleep without when you were a child."

"I said no. Feed me, already, woman."

"Once again, the name is Ino. Answer the question."

"A deer. I bet you're not really planning to feed me."

Ino sighed and stood up. She disappeared out of his vision, and he didn't bother to sit up to keep her in sight, "You have a one track mind."

"One track stomach. You promised food, now make good on the deal."

She reappeared with two small bowls, "I packed for the weekend. So this one's my supper for Sunday. I can pack another, I guess."

The lid opened to reveal salad. Salad? Shikamaru felt like he'd been tricked. He had not gone to the bar, played this stupid bet game with her, let her drink his champagne, for _salad_?

"When you said food, I thought you really meant food," Shikamaru said with a sniff.

"That is real food. Food that's good for you. You know, your young-guy metabolism won't stay with you forever. You'll be a victim of the spare tire, if you're not careful," she lectured. "I always make sure to eat healthy. It's all about the food groups. The vegetables are the one of the most important and the most ignored. People don't like them for some reason."

"If I eat it will you shut up?"

"Maybe."

So he ate the food. And, then, they drank champagne. Lots and lots of champagne. Shikamaru laughed giddily as he leaned back into the beanbag. Ino looked over at him with a half-lidded expression and he thought that her lips looked like they wanted to be kissed. He moved a little to act on this impulse, but then something else in his mind told him it was a bad idea.

She struggled with something in her pocket, and he realized he was really tired. He stretched out and closed his eyes. Just before drifting off he heard her say, "Hey, Daddy? Could you come get me? I'm drunk."


	2. Bachelor Oath

**Chapter Two: Bachelor Oath**

When Ino was younger, she thought maybe she would like to meet her perfect, handsome prince and have perfect, handsome children. Then, she and her perfect, handsome husband would be happy watching their perfect, handsome children grow up and start their own perfect, handsome families.

This was a lovely little idea that seemed very possible…until, that is, puberty happened. And, bad boys happened. She found herself continually attracting men who only saw her appearance and only wanted her for what she could do for them. They were handsome, but they definitely weren't perfect or princely.

Ino remembered one time when she was thirteen; a boy had broken up with her when she didn't want to make out on the first date. Her mom had pulled her onto her lap and brushed her hair out in long, soothing strokes. She told her that she was proud that she hadn't given in.

And, she told her about her Aunt Asako, who had been in a relationship with a man for nine years, only for him to walk out on her when he met someone he thought was more attractive. Aunt Asako was stuck raising their two children with a broken heart, while the man (whose name Ino didn't care to remember) went on as if he'd been single his whole life and he didn't have a family.

Her mom had made her promise that she would never put herself in a situation where a guy had all of her when she didn't have all of him. If a man can't put a ring on your finger, than he doesn't deserve anything you have to offer. True love waits and why buy a cow when you get the milk for free, and all of those sayings.

In a world where no one cared much for marriage and abstinence was an archaic thing, a thirteen year old Ino solemnly promised her mom that she would wait, with full, simple acknowledgement that princesses waited.

On that day, she began to eagerly seek out her perfect match, her perfect prince, the one who would sweep her off her feet and marry her. However, Ino, like most young girls, was quite ignorant of the ways of Love. The harder you searched for Love, the harder Love would evade you.

Actively searching for love was like demanding you be matched up right that instant, and Love wasn't one to be demanded. Love was a fickle thing that liked a challenge. It would make you wait and bide your time until you least expect it, when it was good for Love to put the right man into your life.

But, Ino was stubborn. So, while all her friends let thoughts of princes and perfect love fall to the back of their minds in favor of their careers and hobbies, she continued to wait for her perfect prince to arrive. She had witnessed her friends happen upon good boyfriends. And, because Love was persistent, these good boyfriends eventually became perfect husbands.

Yes, at age twenty-five, Ino was the only one of her friends who remained unmarried. She was the only one who still tried to catch bouquets at weddings. She was the only one who worried that she might become a spinster.

Here she was, fresh out of college, and, because of the recession, stuck slaving away at her parents' flower shop. Here she was, sitting on a couch next to a man she met last night and painting his toe nails while he continued to sleep.

Why was she painting his toe nails? Well, it would just be silly if they didn't match his finger nails, which were already painted with three coats of her favorite shade of purple.

She had just finished the last coat on his pinky toe (which was quite tricky, because this man had obviously never heard of the concept of a pedicure judging by the bad shape of the nail) when Shikamaru began to stir. Guiltily, she stowed the polish on the side table behind her and greeted him, "Good morning, Sunshine."

"Oh, no," he said.

"Is something the matter?" she asked, wondering if he'd noticed the polish already and worried that he was seriously angry.

"Don't tell me that…I…and you…that we…."

Ino laughed to see him so flustered. He glared at her until she calmed down and said, "No. I'm not that kind of girl. We were both drunk and I didn't know where you lived, so I just had my dad settle you out here on the couch."

He sighed in relief.

"Huh, guys don't normally act like that after conquests, do they? I mean, you seemed pretty upset when you thought something had happened."

"It's just…never mind…," Shikamaru looked for a moment like he was going to confide something in her, but changed his mind.

"What?" she asked, not liking the feeling of being excluded.

"It's just that situations like that are troublesome," he said.

"That's not what you were going to say."

"Yes it is."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying."

"Are too!"

"That's all I was going to say."

"With all the hesitation and the never mind…that's really anticlimactic, you know? There's no way you were going to just say that. You have some juicy secret, and I want to hear it."

"You're like a two year old."

"Please tell me! I'll make you breakfast."

Shikamaru gave her a look of narrow-eyed suspicion, "Real food? Not more of that salad crap?"

"I'll make you eggs and toast and…bacon. You're a typical guy who loves bacon, right?" she said, attempting to look as trustworthy as possible.

"Do you even have bacon?" he asked.

"Well…no, but I could go get some. The supermarket is just up the street, after all."

He sighed deeply, then said, "Fine. I'll tell you. But, you'd better not laugh."

"I don't even know how to laugh. I've never laughed in my life before," she said facetiously.

"Knock it off," Shikamaru said, leaning back and getting more comfortable on the couch. "It started back in high school. My friends and I were having a lot of…well, girl problems. So, when we were shooting hoops one day, we decided that we were just going to give up on love and be bachelors the rest of our days. It'd be so much easier."

"That's it?" Ino asked, feeling a bit disappointed (was that really it?). "I expected something like, you have AIDS and you were afraid you accidentally passed it on. Or, this new type of super AIDS, that like, was a virus that ate a person alive from the inside. Or, maybe you even had a psycho ex-girlfriend who stalked you and would now transfer all her manic anger onto the one night stand."

"This is real life, Ino."

"Those things could happen in real life!" she said. "You have to admit, that was a bit of a lame story. I was expecting more."

She got up, ready to start on the breakfast she had promised for the let down story, when she realized something, "Hang on. You were just at a wedding last night, and you were one of the groomsmen. Does that mean…?"

"Yeah. My friend Kiba got married. He was the last single one besides me. Now, I'm the only one keeping the Bachelor Oath."

"The Bachelor Oath?"

"I thought you couldn't laugh? I demand more bacon in return for being deceived."

"I'm sorry, it's just that…did you guys really give it a name and everything? Did you do some sort of ritual involving blood or animal sacrifice?"

Shikamaru crossed his arms, "See, this is why I wasn't going to tell you."

"Aw," Ino said, leaning over to tweak his nose, "I didn't mean anything by it. Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"If you want more bacon, you'll have to escort me," Ino was already standing by the door, looking at him expectantly while buttoning up her coat.

"I don't want to go anywhere in my suit," Shikamaru grumbled.

"Then, I guess the bacon isn't that important…"

"You promised."

Ino mocked surprise, "Did I? Do you have that in writing?"

"You're a vile woman, you know that? Troublesome, too."

"And bossy, headstrong, demanding. I've been told these things my whole life."

Gathering from the experience of being a spoiled princess who got everything she wanted, Ino knew that she had won the battle. Shikamaru sighed heavily and stood up. He looked down and seemed to notice something.

"Hey -," he said, and she braced herself for the anger that would surely ignite over the painted nails, "where's my jacket? And, my pants!"

"Don't you remember? You did a strip tease last night," Ino laughed.

"Haha, very funny," Shikamaru said, annoyance in the set of his eyebrows. "You're a real riot."

"They're over there, you big baby. My dad removed them for you, so they wouldn't get wrinkled. It's a rental, right?"

"Tch."

"A simple thank you would be nice."

He ignored her as he pulled his jacket and pants on and Ino smiled at how nice he looked. He seemed to read her thoughts, because his scowl deepened and he crossed his arms self-consciously over his chest. Ino decided that she'd teased him enough by that point, and exited the house without another comment on his attire, expression, or attitude.

She double checked that the door was locked, and then they were on their way to the supermarket. When Ino had been scouting out homes, she had chosen this one partly because of how nice it looked, but mostly because of its convenient location.

"I live near here."

Ino glanced over her shoulder at Shikamaru. He was trailing behind her (walking in a lazily slow manner that didn't really surprise her) with his hands thrust deep into his pockets and that ever-present downturn of his lips.

"How near?" she asked, slowing her pace to match his and clasping her hands behind her back nonchalantly.

"I'm not sure if I want to tell you, with that look on your face."

"What look? There's no look. It's just my average, neutral expression."

"If you're trying to get out of buying me bacon, which I do have some at my house, I would like to remind you that you promised."

"That wasn't my intention at all," Ino said, turning away and wondering how he knew. Was she that easy to read?

"I'm sure it wasn't," he said with a chuckle.

"Whoa! He can smile!" Ino said. She snapped her fingers, "Man, I forgot my camera at home."

"Shut up," he growled.

She grinned and held the grocery store door open for him. "Don't be such a downer. Your smile lights up your whole face."

"Can we just get the bacon, please?" he begged in a long-suffering tone.

Ino rolled her eyes at his melodrama and led him to the meat section of the store. The worker behind the counter waved when he saw her coming and hurried to wash his hands and put his gloves on (and check his reflection in the shiny metal of the cress core).

"Hey, Ino! The usual today?"

"No thank you, Matsuo, I still have plenty of chicken left," she answered with a friendly smile. She wondered how he would react when she asked for something so completely unhealthy.

Ino glanced at Shikamaru, silently asking him if she really had to get bacon, and he just returned the glance with a raised eyebrow (which, of course, was something someone so sarcastic could do. It's basically required).

"Oh, would you like some of this lean beef then? It only has 5 percent fat," he offered, pointing at the said meat.

"Ah, no thank you. I'm actually here to get…bacon," she said, dropping her voice when she said the last part.

"What was that you said?"

"I said bacon. I am here to get bacon to cook for breakfast."

"Bacon?" he asked, looking at her quizzically (and probably thinking she was either an imposter or had been hypnotized), "But, you never buy anything unhealthy. Ever."

"I know, but I just really need bacon right now, so if you could wrap me up some that would be very great," Ino said (and hurry, so she can get out of here before anyone else saw her with the offending greasy meat).

Shikamaru seemed to be enjoying the exchange. She made a mental note for revenge at the next possible opportunity.

"Okay, then. We have gourmet bacon that is nitrate free…would you like that?" Matsuo asked, already moving to the bin with wrapping.

"Yes, I think that will do," Ino said, glad that there was at least a somewhat healthier option.

"No!" Shikamaru cut in. "You promised me bacon, and I want the fattiest, greasiest, most unhealthy bacon that is available."

Exasperated, she sighed, "Really, Shikamaru?"

"Really," he said, crossing his arms.

She turned back to Matsuo and shrugged her thin shoulders, "Well, I guess I will not be having that. Instead, get me the bacon that is going to clog his arteries the most."

The meat department worker nodded his head, mystified that the self-described health nut would allow someone she knew to eat something so blatantly bad for him and go so far as to buy it for him herself.

When the packaged meat was labeled and handed over, he said, "Enjoy, then."

"I won't be eating this, I assure you, but thanks anyway," Ino said. At that, she looped her arm through Shikamaru's and dragged him off. He was embarrassing her with his deplorable food choices, so she would embarrass him in return by hanging off his arm. He tried pulling away, but she only held on tighter, digging her prettily manicured nails into his arm.

The cashier also waved when she saw Ino heading her way. She did all of her food shopping at this store, usually visiting about twice a week so that she could have fresh produce, so she was friendly with all of the staff.

When she passed the food over the scanner and saw what Ino was purchasing, the cashier looked up sharply with a confused expression. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Shikamaru put a hand to his forehead in annoyance. She bit her tongue, thinking (somewhat bitterly) that he would get similar looks if he bought something _healthy_ for once.

"Bacon?"

"Yeah, I'm buying it for this bum. We made a deal, and my part was that I cooked him bacon," Ino explained hastily. She often preached the benefits of a good diet (eating wrong could kill you!) and didn't want to appear to be a hypocrite.

"Oh, is this your boyfriend?" the cashier asked, no stranger of seeing Ino with her various boyfriends. Not that the cashier ever thought she was a whore (at least, Ino hoped she didn't ever think that), she just understood that Ino was looking for Mr. Right and that sometimes that was a difficult search.

Ino choked on her own spit for a moment and then burst out laughing, "No, no. This isn't my boyfriend."

"Why are you laughing?" Shikamaru asked, his hands shoved deep into his suit pockets. Ino thought that maybe he looked a little offended, but for the most part he had that 'all women are troublesome and time consuming' face that she recognized already was a trademark face of his.

The cashier smiled and handed the bag to Shikamaru to carry, assuming correctly that because he was a guy it was his job to carry the groceries. Ino clasped her hands behind her back and skipped cutely after him, "I'm laughing because the idea of you being my boyfriend is hilarious."

"And, why is it hilarious?" he asked, leaning against the door as he waited for her to pass through first.

She stopped just outside the grocery store doors and peered up in his face through her lashes, "Did I hurt your feelings?"

"No," Shikamaru said with a flat tone and walked past her without another glance. "Quit looking at me like that. It makes you look like a creeper."

Shocked, Ino stared after him. He was already across the parking lot when she finally shook her head and chased after him. Her! A creeper! Never!

She tackled him from behind, wrapping her legs around his waist (so he couldn't just shake her loose, of course…don't be a pervert!) and looping her arms tightly around his neck, and demanded in his ear, "Take it back! I am not a creeper, take it back!"

"I…can't…can't breathe…," he wheezed against her arms that were constricting around his neck like a (creamy, soft, milk-skinned) python.

Ino squeezed really tight once more for emphasis and for revenge of all the mean things he'd guessed about her last night, then moved her hands to grip his shoulders.

"You're right, you're not a creeper…," Shikamaru amended.

She thumped his shoulder with her fist, "That's right!"

"…You're a freaking crazy woman."

In a flash her arms were around his neck again, cutting off his air supply in retribution for his mean (incorrect) words. "I'm not crazy either!"

Shikamaru dropped the bacon bag (oh no, you know it's about to get serious when a man willingly lets go of bacon) and slipped his hands under her arms, the calluses on the palms rough against her moisturized skin. He was stronger, easily prying them away from his neck and yanking them upwards.

The next thing Ino knew, she was landing (none too gently) on the sidewalk in front of him. It happened so fast that she didn't know quite how he managed it. Frozen once again with shock, she leaned back against his legs and muttered, "Ouch."

"You know, you're not really defending your case all that well. Typical, sane people don't hop onto the backs of men they just met," Shikamaru said, leaning over and looking at her. Ino found the scene pretty picturesque…him upside down, his dark face and shoulders against the bright blue of the morning sky. She really did wish she had her camera to capture this moment.

"I…the reason I laughed when she asked if you were my boyfriend is because it would never be possible in a million years. You've got that Bachelors Oath and I just want to find my Prince Charming. We don't match up. We want different things."

Stepping back so that Ino fell backwards without his support and grabbing the bag containing the bacon, he started heading in the direction of her house. She stood up and, wincing from the pain in her tail bone, followed after him. He didn't look back when he said, "Let's go."

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

He sighed, "You didn't."

She finally caught up with him, walking strangely because of the recent injury to her backside. "I think you broke my tail bone. That's not how you treat a lady."

"Don't attack me, then," Shikamaru said.

Grumbling, she crossed her arms and fell silent.

"I'm sorry," he offered up after a moment. "I should have been a little more gentle."

She snorted and prepared to say that he should have been A LOT more gentle, but his phone rang and he lazily withdrew it from his pocket.

"Hello? When did the call come in? Okay. And, the coordinates?" he passed the bacon bag over to her and gestured for her to go on. She watched him with confused eyes, not moving. "I'll be there in a half hour."

He clicked the phone shut and slid it back into his pocket.

"Who was that?" Ino asked, not being able to stifle her curiosity.

"Work," Shikamaru said. "I'm going to have to take a rain check on the bacon."

"But…I…uh," she said to his retreating back. She didn't even know his last name and she had a sinking feeling that he would not ever return to eat the bacon. After all that humiliation of buying the disgusting meat, too!

He raised his hand in the air in a lazy farewell and said, "Make it for me later, okay?"

"Okay," she watched him walk away, one hand in his pocket and the other still extended. Like the creeper she had insisted she wasn't, she made a mental note of which house he entered.

Then she went home. It wasn't like she didn't have work, too. She actually had an outdoor baby shower that she needed to attend. So, she fixed up her hair (it was a bit messy from her attack) and dressed in her work uniform. After a quick breakfast, she was out the door and on her way to work.

Work was miserable. She forgot that she had given Shikamaru her lunch yesterday and didn't get to eat lunch. The expecting mother was hormonal and crazy (Ino couldn't help but wonder what Shikamaru would think if he had met her…he'd never call Ino crazy again!) and indecisive. Ino rearranged the flower pots what had to be a million times before the baby shower star thought it looked good, only for it to be how she had them arranged in the first place.

It didn't help that her tail bone throbbed the entire time (it must be bruised). And, the other mothers' children were bratty and destroyed some of the flowers. And, there were no men besides the elderly father of the client, so she had to load all of the decorations back into the van herself.

"Miserable," Ino muttered to herself, sinking into the plush chair next to the window and noticing that it looked like it might rain soon. It had been so beautiful earlier, too.

She had just been getting comfortable, pulling the footstep up and stretching out, when the doorbell rang. She considered ignoring it. And, she did for a few moments, but the ringing grew louder and more persistent.

"Coming!" she called with a scowl.

Ino opened the door and found Sakura standing on her doorstep, a pale pink umbrella tucked under her arm. She should have known. Stepping aside, Ino let her best friend into her house.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" Ino asked in a false southern belle accent as Sakura placed her slippers on the small foot shelf next to the doorway.

"I wanted to talk to you about something…get your advice," Sakura said. Ino noticed that she looked nervous; the pink haired girl kept twirling her wedding band around and around.

"Ah, sure. Would you like some tea?"

Sakura accepted and so they settled at the kitchen counter, just as the rain began to fall.

"Gloomy day," Sakura pointed out.

"It started out so nice," Ino agreed.

Awkward silence. Ino held her breath, knowing that whatever was coming next must be big, judging by Sakura's behavior.

"Ino, I think I'm in love with Naruto," Sakura blurted out.

Ino leaned back in her chair as suddenly as if Sakura had physically pushed her, reeling from her words. A few years ago, this wouldn't have been a bad thing. Naruto had been madly in love with Sakura. Dedicated. Loyal. Supportive.

But, Sakura had been (and should still be) in love with Sasuke. Ino had been, too, (still was) so she understood why Sakura would pick him over Naruto. Sasuke. The man Sakura had married.

"Did I hear you right?" Ino tucked her bangs behind her ear and sat forward quickly, spreading her fingers wide on the surface of the table. "Did you say that you are in love with Naruto?"

"I said I _think_ I'm in love with him," Sakura corrected.

"But, you're married to Sasuke," Ino said.

Sakura nodded, her head bobbing like a colorful bird, "I know! I know. I'm happy with him, but…I can't help but wonder what my life would've been like if I married Naruto instead."

"Sakura, Naruto and Hinata just had a baby two months ago," Ino reminded her.

"I know, Ino, I know. I'm being selfish, but…seeing him with Hinata and little Minato…I can't help but think I made a huge mistake. His eyes get so soft…and he's such a good father. His face lights up with all of this emotion. He'd not hard or unfeeling…," Sakura said in a rush.

Ino frowned, "Sasuke isn't hard and unfeeling. He loves you. Everyone can tell."

"I know he's not. My mind hasn't changed about Sasuke. He's the same person to me. I changed my mind about Naruto. I was so focused on Sasuke that I never really noticed Naruto and…," she trialed off, but Ino could follow where it led.

"And, now that you don't have to compete with me for Sasuke you have time to look around and compare your husband to other people's husbands," Ino finished, her hands shaking with rage.

How dare she do this! How dare she put their friendship in danger, marry the man of Ino's dreams, have such a good life, and then come and tell her that she wished she could be with Naruto.

Sakura narrowed her eyes at her tone, "You're angry with me?"

Ino pressed a hand to her face, trying to calm herself down. "Yes."

"I thought maybe you would understand. As my friend, I thought you would be able to help me talk through this," Sakura said. She looked hurt, yet defiant.

"I…I can't do this. Not now," Ino said. She could hardly constrain herself. What she wanted was to give herself free reign and yell at Sakura for her stupidity. But, the fear of losing Sakura as a friend loomed heavily over her. "I need to think. Visit me in a week and I'll give you my best advice."

Sakura studied her closely for a moment and then said, "Okay."

Ino led her to the door, silent as the pink hair girl slipped on her shoes. Sakura opened the door and popped open her umbrella, but paused in the doorway for a moment, "Don't think badly of me. One can't choose who they love."

Then she was gone. Ino let out a frustrated growl and stalked back into the kitchen. Swiping the teacup Sakura had been drinking off of the table, she threw it against the opposite wall where it smashed into a thousand little pieces and covered the blue wall paper with tea.

"Son of a bitch!" she shouted. "Son of a bitch, son of a bitch, son of a bitch!"

Ino wasn't one to normally cuss. Her mother had always said that no matter how smart someone was, the moment they cussed, they appeared to be unintelligent. But, there were those moments when your anger was so much, that nothing could quite express the magnitude of it like a good swear word.

"Son of a bitch!" she slipped to her knees and kneeled on the kitchen floor. "Sakura, why?"

Then she started shouting all the things she had wanted to shout before:

"You want what you can't have! Naruto's only attractive to you because he's off limits now! Sasuke is boring because he already belongs to you! Why can't you be happy with what you have? You already won! You got Sasuke and I'm still alone! Is Hinata just the next person for you to beat? Just leave it! Don't go lusting after other women's husbands like some low class whore!"

Ino didn't really think Sakura was a whore, but she did feel better after screaming. And, after lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling for a while, she felt enough motivation to clean up the mess she made.

After rinsing the tea-soaked washcloth in the sink, Ino turned around and patted her hands dry on legs of her work uniform. The house was dark and full of her angry words. She didn't want to stay here, alone and worn, so she retrieved her own umbrella from her closet and headed out to the only person's house she could think of.


	3. Debbie Downer

**Chapter 3: Debbie Downer**

Shikamaru sighed. He hated when it rained. The sky was so much pleasanter when it was clear and blue. When it was overcast and gray and rainy, he couldn't help but be reminded of his mother's face when she stepped into room and happened to put her bare foot directly on his dirty underwear. In a word: angry. (More words: ready to explode, promise of inconvenience, sure to put a damper on your day).

To make it worse, it was raining and he hadn't brought an umbrella. When he left for work, it had still been beautiful. Who knew such beauty that seemed ready to last forever could dissolve within the day? Maybe that was a symbol for something.

If Shikamaru wasn't so tired from going into work early and dealing with greedy informers he would make some poetic metaphor about it. As it was, he shuffled down the road with hunched shoulders and fantasized about the dry, warmness of his house.

When his feet touched the first cement square on the walk leading to his house, he saw a figure tucked under the balcony over his door. He paused as someone unmistakably female stood, her face hidden behind a purple umbrella hovering close above her head. For one terrifying moment, he worried that it was _her_ (the last person he wanted to see today), but then the umbrella was raised higher and he saw that it was only Ino.

"Hey," she said, seeming oddly shy. He didn't answer right away, instead looking at her closely. Her eyes were pink and slightly swollen, like she'd been crying. Her hair was falling from its ponytail. She was still wearing her work uniform (he recognized it from the other night). Basically, she looked troublesome. Like the human embodiment of time passing and hassle.

Sighing again, he put his key in the door and said, gruffly, "Well, come on in then."

He thought earlier that the rain must have been a symbol, but now he knew it was a warning. How had she even known where he lived? Had she watched him go home like a creeper (even after claiming she wasn't)?

"Can I get you some tea?" he asked, peeling off his wet jacket.

"No thank you," she answered as she bent to remove her shoes.

Shikamaru shrugged and then disappeared down the hallway to change into dry clothes. He returned a couple of moments later to find her looking curiously around the living room. From her expression, he could tell that she was surprised.

"What's with that look?" he asked, though he had a pretty good idea.

"I…I just didn't expect your house to look so homey," she said, running her hand along the back of an arm chair. "I guess I expected something more along the lines of white walls and randomly placed furniture."

"There you are," he said, dropping lazily onto the couch. His house _had_ been white walls and randomly placed furniture for the first few months he'd lived there and would have stayed that way if Hinata hadn't insisted on making his home look less like a hospital in gratitude for all the help he'd given Naruto in college. But, she didn't have to know that.

"What?" Ino sat next to him and hugged herself for warmth (if she was cold, she ought to ask for a blanket. He wasn't going to go out of his way to get one for her).

"You were acting weird and that was the first thing that you said that sounded like you," Shikamaru explained, sighing at having to explain it and resisting the urge to turn the television on. That's what he normally did when he got home, but he knew Ino had something to say. Better she get on with it so he could relax in peace.

She sounded oddly touched when she said, "But, you haven't known me all that long."

"You don't have to know someone for very long to determine if they're shy or not. You are definitely not shy. So, don't act like you are, it's annoying," Shikamaru said to her straight.

"Wha-?" Ino's mouth hung open. She was so shocked whenever he insulted her, as if she thought there was nothing about her to be insulted. "I wasn't acting shy! I just didn't know how you would react to seeing me! You can be somewhat mean, so I was worried you'd just walk on by and leave me out in the rain!"

"That's not it," Shikamaru said, crossing his arms. "There's something more. You wouldn't have let me walk on past."

She scooted closer to him, looking up at him from under her lashes. In a sickly-sweet voice she said, "You know what? I had nothing to worry about. You can't resist this."

"Disgusting," Shikamaru deadpanned in response, pushing her away until she was all the way on the other side of the couch.

Ino burst out laughing, "That never gets old! Are you sure you aren't gay?"

"Just because I can 'resist' you doesn't mean I'm gay. It just means your creeper face doesn't work on me," he leaned back and closed his eyes. She wouldn't attack him again if she had learned her lesson from before (unlikely, but he liked to give people chances).

She was quiet for a long time. Curious, Shikamaru warily opened his eyes and peeked over at Ino. She was fuming. Her eye was twitching (just like Topanga's did on that one Boy Meets World episode where they're telling the family to back off the wedding planning). It was freaky.

"Twice in one day! You've called me a creeper twice in one day! There ought to be a limit on that type of insult! Girls aren't creepers anyway! Strange older men who drive around slowly in big white vans are creepers!" Ino said. She obviously hadn't learned her lesson, because she swung at him.

Shikamaru, though sometimes (usually) rude and terse, was not a mean person. He felt bad for hurting her tail bone earlier, so he gently caught her fist and twisted her around. Even though he was using only about one-eighth of the force he normally used, she still made a small noise of pain (what a wimp).

"Oww," she whined. "You're not supposed to hurt a girl."

"Girls aren't creepers! You're not supposed to hurt a girl! I get whatever I want because I'm a girl!" he mocked in a false girl voice.

"I do," she confirmed with two nods, her hands still locked behind her.

Shikamaru went to release her, but then noticed something. He froze. His eyebrows furrowed. His nostrils flared.

"Ino," he said, his voice flat.

Said girl stopped trying to wriggle out of his grasp and said, fear in her voice, "What is it? Why do you sound so scary?"

"Did you paint my fingernails?"

"N-no! Of course not!"

"They're purple! Who else would paint my nails purple? And, they match yours. You're wearing the same color right now!"

"You can't prove it!"

"Wait, maybe it wasn't you. Surely you can paint better than that. Whoever painted my nails missed a lot."

"You moved around a lot, okay! I'll admit that I painted them if you admit that I did a swell job."

"Ino, I went to work with my nails painted like this. No wonder they were snickering."

Her shoulders were shaking.

"Are you laughing at me!"

"No, I'm crying for your misfortune," she said dryly with a snort that blew her cover.

"Fine. I was going to offer you a sweater and a blanket, but I changed my mind," Shikamaru said, releasing her and reaching for the remote. She whipped around and looked at him with starry eyes. He ignored her and turned the television on.

"I knew it! Deep down, you're a nice person!" Ino exclaimed, hugging his arm (and severely invading his personal boundaries).

"Oh, look, a baseball game is on," Shikamaru said disinterestedly.

Ino upped her ante, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder, "Shikamaruuu~, I'm sorry! I have fingernail polish remover at home and I'll revert your nails back to the epitome of manliness when you come over to eat bacon tomorrow morning! Please get me a sweater and blanket! It's like Russian tundra in here! What is your tile made of? Permafrost? I swear my skin stuck to it when I walked over to the couch! I bet enough of my skins cells are attached to your frozen wasteland floor to clone me!"

Shikamaru resisted the urge to snort (as if anyone would wish for more than one Ino) and turned the volume up.

"Shikamaru! Pleaseeee~!" she continued to whine. She tugged on his shirt and wrapped one ankle around this calf. "I'll take it back. You're not nice at all Shikamaru! That's what you want to hear, right? You're so manly and stuff! Rugged. Untamed. Boss!"

"Fine!" Shikamaru said, shooting up off the couch. "I will go get you a stupid sweater and a stupid blanket if you'll stop it with that troublesome chattering!"

"Yay!" she cheered, clapping her hands and waving cheekily at him as he disappeared to go get the mentioned items.

As revenge, Shikamaru rummaged through his closet until he could find his rattiest sweater and thinnest blanket. When he returned, he threw them at her face and plopped back on the couch.

She gave the disrepair of the sweater a judging look for a few seconds before shrugging and slipping it on. He could almost read her thoughts. They went something along the lines of, "It's only Shikamaru here; I can dress sloppily if I want."

While she pulled the old thing on, he turned the television off and prepared for whatever it was she came here for.

"Why are looking at me like that?" she asked, fixing her hair that had falling out completely when she had put the sweater on.

"I want to know why you're here. You want to talk about something, right?"

"Ah, do you want to get rid of me that badly?" she teased for a moment before becoming completely serious. "Actually, I am here to talk to you about something. Normally I could talk to my friend Sakura about these things…but, it's an issue concerning her. And, I can't get advice from any of my other friends, because they're all friends with Sakura, too. So, you're the only person I can come to."

He nodded to give her permission to continue. Ino retreated to the opposite side of the couch and, leaning against the arm of the chair, curled up under the blanket.

"Sakura has been my best friend since we were in first grade. We had a falling out over a boy that we both liked in high school. Eventually, we realized that no boy was worth our friendship and reconciled. When we left for college, that boy was in a lot of my classes. He and I would often partner up for projects, and I was sure I was in love with him.

"Then, Sakura visited me. You see, she wanted to be a doctor, so she went to a medical school. She found out that I spent a lot of time with Sasuke and that we were pretty close. We'd gone on a couple of dates and were in the beginning stages of being in 'a relationship'.

"When Sakura found this out, she was really angry," Ino rubbed the side of her neck, obviously still upset about what had happened even after all this time. "But, she didn't say anything about it. She started to visit a lot more. I don't know when it started, but I guess there was a lot of chemistry between older Sakura and Sasuke. One night we were blowing off steam after exams and got really drunk. I passed out and they…they did the deed."

"Did the deed?" Shikamaru repeated. Honestly, her innocence sometimes threw him for a loop. He tried not to judge people based on their appearances but – with her blonde hair, mascara painted eyes, and form-fitting clothes – she looked like someone who was promiscuous.

"Yes. Had sex. Engaged in intercourse. Slept together. Did the nasty. Made sandwiches. However you want to call it. When I woke up, I found them together. They hadn't even bothered to leave the room. I felt betrayed. I had told Sasuke that I promised my mom that I would wait until I was married and I believed he was okay with that. Then, he slept with my best friend."

She sighed deeply, "Sakura was really apologetic afterwards. She told me that she had been fighting her attraction for him, but when she had gotten drunk she couldn't resist. I knew it was a mistake. I couldn't blame her for that, I guess. So I forgave her.

"I guess it's my fault for dating someone I knew my best friend was in love with, too. She must have felt betrayed when she saw I was in a relationship with him. Anyway, Sasuke and I fell apart after that. A year later, he married Sakura."

"That's why I decided to not fall in love. It sucks," Shikamaru said.

"It does," she agreed.

"Is that what you wanted advice about?" he asked. There wasn't really anything to say, was there?

"No. When she visited me earlier tonight, she told me that she thought she was in love with Naruto. His wife is our friend…and she's already married. To the man that I would've been happily married to. When she told me, I was so angry. I swear, everything turned red."

"What'd you say after that?"

"I told her that I couldn't tell her anything. She had come over for advice, you know. I didn't want to hurt her feelings or anything…I was so angry. So I told her to come back in a week and I would give her advice then."

"That was a good idea," Shikamaru said with a nod.

"After she left, I threw a tea cup at the wall."

"That's really violent."

"I tried to calm down, though. I don't know if even after a week I'll be able to tell her anything without still being angry. I mean, she can't just do that to Naruto and Hinata or Sasuke. It isn't right or fair."

"That's…wait, Naruto Uzumaki?"

"Uh, yeah. Do you know him?" Ino asked, sitting forward.

"And…Sasuke Uchiha?"

"…Yes. You know both of them?" She put a hand to her forehead, "You knew them and didn't say anything!"

"I didn't realize at first. How was I supposed to know?"

"I came to you because I thought you were outside of the situation. But, you know everyone involved. Now I feel like I'm gossiping. This is bad," Ino said, slumping back into the couch.

"It's not really all that bad. I won't say anything about it," he promised. Running a hand over his face he said, "Look, what would you say if it hadn't been Sakura?"

"I don't know. I would probably tell her to go on dates with her husband more and to write a list of things that she loved about him to remind herself. Maybe try to pin down why she was so attracted to this other man and see if it's because of a problem within the relationship that can be fixed," Ino said.

"There you go. Just tell her that," he said, turning the television back on. That was pretty easy. Now he could watch television in peace.

"But, I don't know if I want to," Ino confessed.

And…there it goes.

"Why not?"

"Because," Ino started. Her strange, uncharacteristic shyness returned. She pressed her two index fingers together and avoided meeting his eyes, "I don't think she deserves Sasuke. I think she loves drama, and I want her to get the consequences of it for once."

"Ino," Shikamaru said. He sat up straighter and squared his shoulders. What he was about to tell her would make her angry, and he wanted to be prepared for her attack this time. "Isn't that hypocritical? You look down on her for wanting Naruto, but haven't you wanted her husband all this time?"

Her jaw fell open.

"And, you don't want to tell her how to fix it because you want her marriage to fall apart. You want her to go after Naruto so that maybe you can have Sasuke back."

She was as still as a statue.

"You do realize that if you did happen to get back together with Sasuke, you would lose Sakura as a friend. You can't have both."

Then, she was crying.

She curled tighter into a ball and peered at Shikamaru over her knees. "It's not that I'm mad at her for wanting Naruto. I understand that. What I'm mad at is that she can never be satisfied. She always wants what others have. It's like this complex of hers. When she was younger, her mom always tore her down. She took many things from her, including her confidence. So, now she takes from everyone else."

Ino shook her head, tears still running down her face, "She's my best friend and I love her to death, but I could never stand that part of her personality. It hurts and I was often on the losing part of the deal."

"And, it's not like I don't know that I can't have them both. I understand that. I've chosen Sakura over him basically. I could have fought harder to keep Sasuke after that incident. But, I love her more. She's my sister, basically."

She tried wiping the tears away, sniffling pathetically.

"I can't keep forgiving her for hurting me, though. Her apologies begin to lose meaning after a while."

"I'm sorry," Shikamaru said. She was so troublesome, but he hated seeing her so miserable. She had been so resistant to his barbs, he found himself working harder to irritate her. But, to see something actually touch her and hurt her this bad…he felt he ought to be nicer to her (though it was fun and a bit of a stress release to tease her). "I shouldn't have said that. I had no proof, only assumptions."

She looked up at him. He held his hands arms out to her in offering and she lurched across the couch to bury herself in them.

"You always assume the worst of me," Ino said, her voice muffled as she talked into his chest.

"When you assume the worst out of people, you never have to be disappointed. The only thing that happens is vindication," Shikamaru said.

"That sounds so lonely and sad."

Shikamaru was struck by her words. He wasn't lonely or sad…was he? He had friends, a fulfilling job, a nice house, and…well, that's all. But, that's enough right? Maybe he ought to get a pet? No. That would be stupid. He didn't really feel like there was a void in his life.

"Not lonely. Not sad. Content," Shikamaru said. "I'm very content."

"If you say so."

"I do."

"Buum bum bumbum," Ino hummed the wedding march.

"What?"

"I don't know, just whenever I hear someone say the phrase 'I do', no matter the context, I am always reminded of a wedding."

"Gross, you're such a girl."

"Ouch! My heart," Ino said, gripping her chest. "Your words injure me."

"Would you get off of me? You're so clingy," he said, pushing her away.

"You're the one who held his arms out to me in the first place!" she said, pulling away, but not before jabbing him hard in the ribs.

He rubbed the now tender spot and scowled at her, which she studiously ignored as she grabbed the remote.

"Eh, what's this? All of the recordings saved on your DVR are sports! Don't you ever watch any real television?"

"Just because it's not what you watch doesn't mean it's not real television, Loser."

"So, then when you said salad wasn't real food you mean I had brought fake food, ne?"

"Shut up."

"Don't worry, I'm about to expand your tastes. This is a little magic something I like to call: How I Met Your Mother."

"What do you mean you like to call it that? That's the title, everyone calls it that."

"Oh, yay! It's the Robin Sparkles episode!"

"Are you even listening to me?"

As an answer, she simply turned the volume up. He sighed and slouched lower into the couch. Ino had let go of him as he asked, but was still sitting pretty close. He would have asked her to move over and give him some space, but he recognized that she needed comfort right now. That, and it actually felt kind of nice.

It wasn't like it was breaking the Bachelor Oath when he was only sitting by her.

They spent the rest of the night watching How I Met Your Mother. There was lots of laughter (all from Ino) and mournful sighs (all from Shikamaru). Though she was introducing the show to him, she had little patience for his questions ("If Barney is so in love with Robin, why doesn't he just man up and tell her?" "He obviously is afraid of love, Shikamaru! Now, shush!") and elbowed him quite a bit. He was definitely going to have a bruise there by next morning.

It was a pretty good night.

He would never tell Ino that, though.

She already had a big enough ego as it was.

Shikamaru was finally able to watch the baseball game when she fell asleep, snoring quietly on his shoulder. He looked down at her and supposed this is when he would notice how angelic she looked when she slept and be filled with tenderness. Instead, he only felt relief that she was asleep and he could watch his program.

He carefully lowered her on the part of the couch he wasn't sitting on and watched the baseball game. It wasn't good. His team was losing the entire time. After the game was over, he told her sleeping form to stay out of his things and then went to sleep.

Shikamaru fell asleep right away (he was probably worn out from Ino's annoying presence) and slept well through the night. He was pulled from the deep recesses of sleep by a tickling sensation on his nose. Sniffing, he turned away and mumbled.

There was a giggle, but his hazy mind didn't process it. The irritating tickling sensation returned and he turned the other way. Another giggle. This continued for another five minutes or so, until Shikamaru became so annoyed that he finally woke up completely.

He sat up straight on the bed and glared at the source of the annoyance. It was Ino, of course. She was still wearing his sweater…_only_ his sweater. It was long, an old one that was baggy even on him. He often used it when he was doing yard work (not very often, but it happened despite his laziness) or just lounging around the house. On her, it hung almost to her knees. Even though it still covered her well, the idea of her wearing just his sweater over her underclothes was…not appropriate.

Her hair, which she had been using to wake him up, was loose and around her shoulders. There was still a slight crimp in it from when it was in a pony tail, but he thought it looked nice. When her hair was down, it softened her face, making her even more attractive.

Shikamaru hated her attractiveness. It made her even more annoying.

"What are you doing in my room?" he asked, raising his one eyebrow. He loved to do that. When he was younger, his uncle taught him how and he'd been doing it ever since. Nothing expressed his sarcastic and intelligent personality much like lifting a single brow. "And, why are you practically naked?"

"I'm not practically naked! I'm wearing a shirt and my underwear! Sleeping in jeans is uncomfortable, so I took them off halfway through the night," she chirped. It was confirmed: Ino was one of those annoying morning person types. Add that to the list of reasons why she was troublesome. She stretched her bare legs out and rubbed her ankles across his knees, "Why, is it distracting?"

"No," he deadpanned, pushing her legs away from his. It was distracting (he was a man after all), but there was no way he would ever tell her that. "You haven't come in here to seduce me, have you? Because, you might want to put a bit more makeup. Those dark circles aren't doing you any justice."

Shikamaru could have sworn he saw smoke coming out of her ears.

"What. Did. You. Just. Say?" she demanded through gritted teeth.

"I think you heard me just fine," Shikamaru said, smirking slightly.

"I'm sexy!" she said, jumping on him and grabbing the collar of his shirt. Instead of fighting back like the times before, he just laid there limply. Obviously, his earlier methods didn't work and he was much too tired to flip her yet today. She gave him a firm shake, "Say it! Say I'm sexy!"

"No," he said, closing his eyes.

"I'm sexy! Say it!"

"Meh, I'm too tired."

"It doesn't take that much energy to speak!"

"It takes about 72 muscles to talk."

"You're sexy is only two words. You've said more already just trying to avoid saying it!"

"Incorrect. That phrase consists of three words. You've just contracted one of them."

"For the love of God, just say it!"

"No."

"Please!"

"I don't know why you have such an intense need to have your looks validated. Is it because you're insecure?"

"I really hate you, you know that?"

"Then I'm doing it right."

"You want me to hate you?"

"You're so astute!"

"You're such a freaking smartass."

"Why did you replace one curse word, but then still say the other? Shouldn't you have said smartbutt?"

"I don't like the 'f' word."

"You don't like the word fu-"

"Don't say it! I hate that word. It's a nasty word that grates on my ears."

"Mmohmeff."

"What?"

"I said get your hand off my mouth."

"No you didn't! The noise you made wasn't long enough."

"You're right. But, it worked, didn't it?"

"I – hey! Don't change the subject. Open your eyes and tell me I'm sexy!"

"I don't wanna."

"You know you think I'm sexyy~!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!"

"Still no."

"I'm not going to stop until you say I'm sexy!"

"Fine," Shikamaru said with a heavy sigh, properly threatened. He opened his eyes and saw that she was leaning pretty close to his face. He pushed back deeper into his pillow in surprise. Maybe it would have been better to keep his eyes closed. "You're sexy."

"Thank you!" she said, her face lit up with happiness even though the compliment had been forced. She sat back and crossed her arms, "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Whatever," he mumbled. Then, "Why are you still straddling me?"

She let out a strangled squeak and fell over onto the bed beside him. They laid there in silence for a few moments.

"Hey, Shikamaru," she asked, propping herself up on her elbow and peering down at him. He repressed the urge to roll his eyes (of course she'd be the one to ruin the nice silence).

"What?"

"Do you work today?" she asked.

He considered lying and saying that he did, and that it was all day. But, he saw her face and how hopeful it was. Did she really want to hang out with him? It made no sense. She was bursting with sunshine and he was a Debbie downer. Maybe opposites really did attract.

"No, I don't."

"Yay! Come over and I'll make you that bacon I owe you!"


	4. Safe Friends

**Chapter Four: Safe Friends**

"Ino."

"Hm?" she asked, not really paying full attention to him as she turned over the bacon strips. To be honest, she had never made bacon before, and she wasn't sure how to tell when it was done.

"Why do I have to wear a blindfold?" Shikamaru asked, his voice sounding tired.

She put the spatula down on a paper towel next to the pan and reached over to pinch his cheek. The suddenness of her actions caught him off guard, causing him to jump. For his sake, she tried to reign in her laughter.

"Because, it will heighten the suspense! When you finally get to eat it after smelling and hearing it cook, it'll be that much better. Like, heaven on your tongue!" Ino exclaimed (also, she didn't want him to see her attempting to cook in case she was doing it wrong).

"Bah, troublesome," he muttered, tapping his fingers impatiently on the table.

Lifting one of the strips eye level with a pair of tongs, she silently asked the bacon if it was done. Since it was a strip of bacon and did not possess either mouth or brain, it only silently dripped grease. Dropping it back into the pan with a scowl of distaste, Ino slipped quietly out of the kitchen and ran to her bedroom.

Sitting on the table just beneath her light switch was the object she sought. Not the vase of flowers (though they were quite pretty and fresh), but the iPad. It had been a birthday present from her father and, now, it would save her life. Okay, maybe not her life. But, definitely her dignity!

Hugging the sleek gadget to her chest, she rushed back to the kitchen and checked for signs that Shikamaru noticed her absence. He was still in the same position, his fingers tapping the table, his head hung, his back slouched.

Smiling, she unlocked her iPad and quickly opened Safari to Google the secrets of bacon cooking. She read each of the steps carefully, committing them to her (short-term) memory. When she was finished reading the article, she discreetly slipped the iPad onto a kitchen counter safely away from the oven and popping grease.

Ino clapped her hands as she approached the bacon again, ready to make the most delicious bacon Shikamaru had ever tasted. But, when she looked into the pan, she froze.

"It smells like something's burning," Shikamaru said.

"It's just your imagination!" Ino said quickly. She arranged the burnt strips on a plate and stared at them for a full minute, deciding whether she could get away with throwing them out and starting over.

"Well, is it almost done? I'm sick of waiting," he said, borderline whiney.

Ino made up her mind and dropped the plate in front of him, the plastic making a startlingly loud clatter against the granite countertop. Shikamaru jumped for the second time that day. She 'humphed'. If he couldn't be patient, then he deserved burnt bacon. "Bon appétit!"

Shikamaru removed the blindfold and warily stared at the bacon.

"It's burnt."

"No, it's crispy."

"This is past crispy. This is definitely burnt."

"Just eat it, would you! Quit being so picky and unappreciative!"

"This looks like a health hazard," Shikamaru said, pushing the plate away slightly.

"Fine," she said, covering her embarrassment with anger and grabbing for the bacon to throw it away. "I'm sorry I failed at cooking bacon. I've never done it before, okay?"

He pulled the plate out of reach and clicked his tongue in annoyance. "I'll eat it if you promise to quit pouting."

"I wasn't pouting," she denied, taking the seat next to him.

Shikamaru didn't respond, instead taking a big bite of the bacon. She could hear it crunch (she gagged mentally) and watched with mingling embarrassment and amusement as he forced a pleased expression. As much as he denied, Ino knew that he was secretly an extremely nice guy. She didn't understand why he worked so hard to hide it.

"You don't have to eat it," she said.

"Mm, it's tasty," he said (he was such a trooper).

"Shikamaru, I'm serious. It probably is a health hazard," she said, snatching the plate away before he could eat another bite. "Anyways, if you're going to clog your arteries up, you had best enjoy it. Forcing down burnt bacon is just a waste."

She threw the bacon away and said, "Well, that's that."

"What, no bacon at all, then?"

"Do you want me to make you some more?"

"Actually, on second thought, I don't really need to have bacon today," he said.

Her eyelid twitched in (supreme) annoyance, "Eh? You are going to have bacon!"

"No, no, don't worry about it. I'm not really that hungry anyway!"

Ino (angrily) retrieved her iPad and the bacon package and returned to the stove, "Don't be such a wuss! I'm following directions this time!"

"I don't have to wear this blindfold again, do I?"

"No. Shut up."

The bacon was much better the second time around. She didn't know from tasting (she absolutely refused to eat it), but judging from Shikamaru's expression, it passed and might even be considered good. When he finished, they ended up migrating to the living room.

Poking his stomach with her big toe (at the moment he sat upright on the couch while she stretched out and rested her feet in his lap), she said, "Hey, I have a proposal."

"Sounds troublesome," Shikamaru said, dismissively.

"You haven't even heard it!" Ino shouted, poking him in the stomach again.

"Ah, keep your voice down, Woman."

"It's my house! I can shout if I want to!" she shouted louder, knowing full well that she was being obnoxious. In a more civil volume, she said, "You don't want to hear it?"

"I'll listen, but I'm not making any promises to commit to anything," he said, turning towards her.

She sat up happily (like he would refuse what she was about to offer, pfft) and scooted closer to him.

"Okay, my proposal is this: Let's be safe friends!"

"No," Shikamaru said, turning back to the television.

"Wait, I'm not done! You see, you want to stay away from love forever and I want to find Prince Charming. We don't match at all, but maybe that makes us the perfect friends for each other! Since I know I can never be in a relationship with you, then I can have a friend who won't date any of my potential boyfriends, who can give me advice with insider knowledge, and who isn't married like me without the fear of developing feelings for you and vice versa.

"And, this works for you, too, because then you can have a permanent date to things so you won't have to take risks with women who might try to get you to commit or run the risk of being called gay because you show up dateless. When we hang out together, you don't have to worry about girls bugging you because they will think you're mine and will be intimidated by my ultra-attractiveness."

Shikamaru looked at her like she was crazy.

"It's a win-win, really."

"I'm not so sure that would work out," he said. "What if we end up falling for each other and screw this perfect arrangement up?"

They stared at each other for a full minute, daring the other to crack a smile first, before breaking down in laughter.

"It-it hurts!" Ino whined between laughs, clutching her belly as she fell off the couch. Shikamaru laughed harder (and rudely) at her ungraceful fall, pointing. She sat up and pouted, "That's not funny! I hit my head!"

He wiped away laughter-tears and held a hand out to help her back up, "Society has trained us to find pain funny."

"Excuses, excuses," she grumbled, settling back onto the couch.

"You have to admit that if I had fallen off the couch, you would have laughed, too."

"Eh, maybe," she said. Then, extending her hand to him she said, "So, safe friends?"

"I guess."

"No, say it right."

"Sure."

"Shikamaru."

"Fine, yes, I accept the safe friends deal."

And, they shook on it.

Ino reclined back on her couch, propped up on pillows, and studied her new friend. There was something familiar about him. Was it his brown eyes? His bushy hair tied in a pony tail? The structure of his face? She couldn't decide.

"Why are you staring at me?" Shikamaru asked, looking at her out of the corner of his eye. "If nothing else, this confirms that you are indeed a creeper."

"I'm not a creeper! And, what's with the added hand movement?" Ino asked. He had lifted both his hands and wiggled his fingers when he said creeper. "That had better not become a thing. Because, I'm the opposite of a creeper!"

"Normal, not-creepy people stare at people?"

"I wasn't staring at you! Well, I was, but not just to stare at you. I was just trying to figure something out!" she said, failing to control the level of her voice again. He winced, but Ino didn't feel bad. He was the cause, after all.

"What were you trying to figure out?"

Crossing her arms and turning the other way, she said, "Never mind."

She expected him to continue pressing for a reason, but he only slumped further into the cushions and returned his attention to the program. They watched it to the end, quiet the whole time, even during the commercials.

When the credits began scrolling across the screen, Shikamaru looked at his watch and stood up, "Well, I had better head out."

"What? No sleep over tonight?" Ino asked, excessively pouting. Her lower lip trembled from the effort, but Shikamaru's eyebrow rise made it worth it.

"I'm not your girlfriend, Ino," Shikamaru said with his customary sigh.

"What? You're not?" With a sly grin she asked, "Does that mean you're my boyfriend, then?"

He looked her up and down with an impassive face, "Eh, you're not my type."

She stuck her tongue out at him and he waved lazily and left.

He had been gone for approximately fifteen minutes when she remembered that she hadn't removed the purple nail polish. Falling off the couch with laughter again, she wondered where he was going and hoped (super hoped) that he was going to be hanging out with his friends. That would just be great.

For the next couple of hours, she cleaned up her house. She inspected the victimized wall she had thrown the tea cup at last night from different angles and lightings, wanting to be absolutely sure that it was clean and no longer discernable.

She was contemplating if she ought to pull the covers off the couch cushions and give them a deep cleaning when her phone rang from the bedroom. Relunctantly dropping the couch cushions, she dragged her feet down the hallway and hoped it wasn't Sakura. She just wasn't ready to deal with her yet, despite her talk with Shikamaru last night.

It was Hinata. Glad that it wasn't Sakura, but still apprehensive due to Naruto's involvement in the issue, she answered the phone hesitantly.

"Hello?"

"Ino, hi," her voice was meek as ever. Though she had emboldened some since her marriage (Naruto rubbing off on her and all) and hardly stuttered anymore, her voice was still soft and small.

"How've you been?"

"Good, good. Uhm, I was wondering if you wanted to catch lunch?"

"Sure, that's sounds great. Do you have anything in mind?"

"Yeah, there's this new restaurant that opened last week. It's supposed to be really good," Hinata said. "I'll come pick you up?"

"Okay, I'll be ready."

They said goodbye and Ino ended the call. Outside, it was raining again. With a sigh, she went to her closet and searched for a warm sweater and replaced Shikamaru's with it. She went to throw it in her laundry pile, but folded it instead and placed it carefully on the end of her bed.

Plopping down beside the folded ratty garment, she fell back onto the bed with another sigh. Maybe Shikamaru was rubbing off on her, because the only thing she could think at the moment was that it was going to be troublesome hanging out with Hinata. The girl was quiet and used to taking things in. She was talented at reading people and it would be a struggle for Ino not to reveal accidentally that something was off.

It was probably best to just make something up. But, what? She rolled over on her side and considered it. Something about work, probably. That wouldn't be too much of a stretch…work problems. She could just say something about being depressed about her job situation. She wasn't happy about that after all.

Wait…was she depressed?

She considered this new idea and was beginning to evaluate her mental state when she heard Hinata's honk from the street out front. Rushing to grab her purple umbrella and to leave the house so Hinata wouldn't feel obligated to get out in the rain and fetch her, Ino locked up and made her way to the sleek car waiting by the curb.

With Naruto unexpectedly inheriting the rights to and profits of several successful (perverted) novels from a family friend who had taken care of him during his teen years and Hinata being the heiress to the Hyuuga fortune, the Uzumakis had money to spare. Hinata wasn't a flashy or arrogant woman, but she had spent the entirety of her life living in luxury, so she was accustomed to having nice things.

Ino slid into the car, careful not to leak water from her umbrella on the expensive leather seats, and smiled to the young, dark haired woman in greeting.

"Lovely weather we're having, eh?" Ino asked, having some difficulty buttoning the fabric that holds the umbrella closed. The corresponding snap button parts didn't want to line up correctly.

Hinata laughed and said, "The weatherman said it will most likely be dreary for most of the week, but it will clear up around Thursday."

"Hm, we ought to rent some period dramas, then," Ino said, giving up on properly securing the umbrella and letting it fall next to her feet, slightly expanding out of its folded state. Her friend Sakura didn't care for period dramas, so it was a sort of bonding ritual between the two young women.

Ino had met Hinata in high school through Naruto. Sakura and Ino had known Naruto from a young age. He lived across the street from Sakura, but the divide for the school districts fell in the middle of the street, so he had always gone to another school and had another friend group they weren't part of. Hinata had attended this school and then went to the same college as Naruto, Ino, and Sasuke, so she was one of the few from his other group that they befriended.

When Ino had found out that Hinata shared her love for the Victorian era, Romantic (as in the movement, not the genre…she didn't read those awful romances that had names like _The Very Virile Viking _or _Marry Christmas_) authors, and English gentlemen, she decided they had to be friends. The rest was history.

"Days like these are perfect for that," Hinata said. "I think that new Jane Eyre movie is coming out this week?"

About fifteen minutes later Hinata parked in a fancy new parking lot painted with still bright white lines. The rain had slowed to a drizzle, but both girls brought out their umbrellas anyway in case it was worse when they left.

"A barbeque?" Ino asked, hooking her arm through Hinata's.

"Yes," she nodded politely to a man who held the door open to them and approached the host, "I guess the owner loved those barbeque grills where you cook your own. You can cook your own or have a chef make yours. All the steaks are cut and seasoned here. Ah, I called in to reserve a table for two? Yes, under Uzumaki."

They followed a waiter to our seats, but along the way we heard, "Ino?"

She turned and saw a big man wearing a white apron and hat. He was obviously one of the chefs and seemed to know who she was. Raising her eyebrows she asked, "Hello…uhm, do I know you?"

"I thought it was you! I haven't seen you since you were just a baby! I probably wouldn't have recognized you if you didn't look so much like your dad. I would feel sorry for you, but your mom's genes countered out his bad ones," the man said, reaching out to enthusiastically shake her hand. "I'm Chouza, do you remember me?"

Ino froze, the involuntary response that always happened when someone mentioned her mom, her friendly smile stuck on her face. As the man kept talking, she realized that she did remember him a little. Her dad had talked about him sometimes; they had been really good friends and all his stories usually involved him.

"Oh, Chouza, yeah," Ino said, finally returning his handshake, "You're my dad's friend, right?"

"Come with me," Chouza said, waving away the hostess that had been leading us to our seats. She shrugged with a polite smile and left the two girls to the big chef. The man led them through a doorway not too far away from the kitchen.

Inside was a small, lavishly decorated room. Only one table was positioned in the room, next to a beautiful marble fireplace. The grill in the center was made of polished stainless steel and the quality of the wood in the chairs was definitely above that in the main dining area.

Chouza gestured to the room with a wide sweep of his arm and said, "This is the private dining area reserved for special guests. Make yourselves at home. I'll bring you some wonderful steaks."

Ino and Hinata sat down at the table, their eyes wide with wonder at their gorgeous surroundings.

"This is probably where really rich and important people eat. Like, the mayor," Ino said, trailing her fingers along the edge of the table top. Even Hinata, long used to splendor, looked awed.

"I had no idea your dad had a friend like that, Ino," Hinata said.

"I haven't seen him since I was a baby, but my dad talks about him sometimes," she responded, clasping her hands beneath her chin. "I'm surprised he recognized me after all this time."

The dinner was amazing. The food was the best she could remember having in a long time (Chouza even had several health conscious choices) and, though he was pretty busy and didn't get very many chances to check in on them himself, the service was great.

After eating until she couldn't fit another bite and talking about a new house Hinata was flipping (she really loved her job…Ino was relieved to find she had nothing to worry about) and how Minato smiled for the first time a week ago, they said goodbye to Choza and headed on out.

When Hinata pulled up to her driveway, Ino found herself more disappointed than she ought to have been to find her porch empty of any visitors waiting for her return.

"Is everything okay?" Hinata asked, leaning forward to get a better look at her face.

Ino smiled quickly and said, "Oh, yeah, everything's fine. I'm just thinking of all the work I have to do tonight. My dad asked me if I would call some of the regular clients about ordering for Mother's Day."

"Isn't that a few weeks away?" Hinata asked as Ino stood outside of the car with her hand on the door.

"Yeah, but my dad says it's never too early to pester people. Most want to get the gift ordeal out of the way as soon as possible. Most of the customers on our call list are men, and they would probably have forgotten their poor mothers if not for our calls," Ino answered with a laugh.

Hinata laughed, too, and waved her off. She didn't drive away until Ino had unlocked her door and stepped inside. She was so sweet. Ino smiled and looked around her freshly cleaned house. Then, the smile faded and she pulled out a large binder from a cabinet near the door.

Ino hadn't been lying about the calls (good thing Hinata had asked her what was wrong, she would have forgotten). Her dad owed her a raise. Or, at least a bonus.

Three hours later, she was still on the couch. Well, somewhat on the couch. Lying on the floor with her feet propped up on the cushions, she had the binder in her lap and was staring at the ceiling while she talked.

"We do have a special bouquet for Mother's day. Yeah…yeah, it has three flower types. You can choose, but if you use roses there is an additional dollar charge…That's right, roses really are overrated. Carnations are pretty. We can color them…was there a certain color you…oh, okay. What does yellow mean? Well, it's…,"

A shadow fell over Ino and she yelped in surprise to see Shikamaru (doing the creeper hand gesture that he had coined earlier that day) standing over her.

"What? Oh, no, I'm okay. No, my friend just startled me. No, it's okay, finish your order."

She hurriedly finished the order, apologizing for her yelp, and directed a glare at Shikamaru as she hung the phone up.

"Did you break into my house?"

"I knocked several times and you never answered. The door was unlocked so I just came in," he said with a shrug, falling like a sack of potatoes (so attractive, boy was she in danger of falling for him!) onto the couch next to her feet. She didn't bother getting up.

"What would you have done if I wasn't home?"

"Leave, obviously," he said (what a sarcastic punk).

"Ah," she said, scratching her neck and looking at the ceiling. "What're you here for, anyway? It's kind of late. Did you decide you wanted a sleepover after all?"

"No, I need you to remove this stupid polish," Shikamaru said, leaning forward and sticking the nails in her face. "Get it off, now. Naruto laughed for what seemed like five hours straight."

"Serves you right," Ino said crossing her arms with a self-satisfied smile.

"What did I ever do to you to make you find this so funny?" Shikamaru asked, scowling.

She pinched the skin on his side between her first two toes and said, "You refused to admit that I'm sexy. And, you made fun of my bacon! Oh, and you bruised my tailbone!"

He jerked away from her toes, "Just take the polish off."

She considered pushing him to say that she was sexy again (because she knew that it annoyed him and annoying him was fun), but she decided against it based on the stubborn set of his mouth.

"Okay, okay. But, you have to go get the polish remover. It's in my bathroom cabinet," she said, pointing in the direction of the bathroom and not moving from her spot on the floor. "Don't forget to grab some cotton swabs."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, but left to get them. Ino wiggled her toes and closed her eyes while she waited for him to get back. She could hear him shifting things around in the bathroom and him walking back, but she kept her eyes closed.

"Alright, got them," he said.

"Mmm," she mumbled, feigning sleep.

He dropped the cotton ball bag on her face. Besides smiling briefly, she remained still.

"Ino, come on."

She didn't respond.

He bent over and pinched her cheeks, forcing her mouth open and closed while he said, "Right now, Ino!"

Opening her eyes to his annoyed face, she laughed, "Okay, okay, don't get your panties in a bunch.

"I don't wear panties," he grumbled.

"Are you pouting?"

"Please just do it!"

"I'll start with your toes."

Ino worked in silence. Luckily the color she used was one of the cheaper ones (like she'd waste her good stuff on him!) and came off pretty easily.

She was finishing up, rubbing the polish methodically off of his pinky nail when he finally broke the silence, "Would you go with me to this stupid party thing?"

She looked up at him with some shock.

"You know, the safe friends deal? It's for work. There's this girl who's always trying to get me to go with her," Shikamaru explained.

"It's the start of our beautiful friendship!" Ino proclaimed, gesturing dramatically. Shikamaru pushed her and she fell off the couch for the third time that day.

"Troublesome woman," he said, chuckling. He looked so pleasant when he smiled that she didn't even mind that she had hit her head again. "Does that mean you'll go?"

"Yeah, when is it?"


	5. Back Tickles

**Chapter Five: Back Tickles  
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"Hello?"

He had let her down (maybe he really was a terse jerk after all). Shikamaru knew that he should have gone over to check on her, and he didn't. He could tell from her voice that she had had a hard time last night. She sounded like she'd been crying.

"Ino."

"Oh, Shikamaru," Ino said. "How are you?"

"Why haven't you come over to bug the crap out of me yet?" Shikamaru asked, letting the annoyance leak into his tone and ignoring her question.

He could almost hear her smile through the receiver, "Believe it or not, I have other things to do."

"Really? Because you should do these other things more often," Shikamaru said.

She snorted, "You're giving me mixed signals here. You seem upset that I haven't come over to bug you, but then say that I should be busy more often."

"I don't want you to bug me. But, I also don't want you to be upset. It's more troublesome in the long run," he complained. "I know you talked with Sakura last night. What happened?"

She was quiet for a long moment before she said, "I don't want to talk about it."

He considered pushing it. He was sure he could wheedle it out of her, but for what? Maybe pressuring her to talk about it would make her feel worse? It was probably something he wouldn't want to know anyway. And, it would be so much work. She would tell him when she felt like it (she always did, didn't she?).

"The party is this Friday, right?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Should I wear a dress?"

"I don't know?"

"Well, how formal is it? It's sort of dressy, but how sort of dressy?"

"I don't know?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Nope. Just wear whatever feels right."

"I'm going to show up in a prom dress just to spite you."

"We're meeting there? I thought you would demand me to escort you there? And, I don't care how you dress. I'm going to ditch you for the TV they always set up in the corner to watch sports anyway."

"A sparkly neon green prom dress with a hoop so large I'll barely slip through the doorways. And, I'll pin a nametag to my dress that says 'Future Mrs. Nara' on it. And, now that I think about it, I do demand that you drive me there. Your car is very nice."

"Fine, do whatever."

"Hm, and maybe some zebra stripes. Or cheetah. A prom dress wouldn't be a prom dress without animal print and bedazzling. Bedazzling! I almost forgot about it. Maybe I can make you a matching bedazzled shirt."

"Mhm."

"Are you still listening to me?"

"Uh-huh."

"Shikamaru!"

"Tch, watch your volume."

"I don't wanna."

Shikamaru sighed.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"I'm sure."

"If you say so."

"I do."

"Bum bum bum-bum?"

"Very funny," she said. "Well, I have things to do, so I'm going to hang up now."

"I thought you never would."

She snorted again and then all he could hear was the dial tone. He hung it up and wearily leaned back into his couch. This was the job of the best girl friend, right? To worry if Ino was upset or not. But, she had really helped him out the day before, so he felt like he owed her. Thinking back to it, he picked the phone back up and dialed Naruto's number. He had been at work waiting for her. For forever, it seemed like.

His office was quiet. So quiet that he could hear the faint ticking of the clock on the wall and it was driving him crazy. Had it always ticked? He hadn't realized. Normally, he was busy taking calls or focusing on his paperwork that he didn't know that his wall clock ticked.

Dropping the papers he'd been trying to focus on, he looked back at the offending clock. It was 1:23. She was late (what a troublesome woman). She was a whole twenty-three minutes late (he knew she would be troublesome when he met her). He was supposed to take his lunch break at one and she was supposed to meet him there (he should have run the other way when she gestured for him to follow). If she didn't hurry, then the break room would be empty and he would have to put up with her annoying presence for nothing.

Now the clock said 1:24. She was twenty-four minutes late. Sighing, he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Might as well take a nap while he waited…

The clock ticked a few more times, but he soon started drifted off. Shikamaru was the master of taking naps. He could nap anywhere, anytime, any situation. He popped an eye open. Anywhere, anytime, any situation? That didn't work. When there was a list of three, there was an expectation for the list to match (Parallel structure, ya' know?), and the last part didn't fit because it was two words while the first couple were singular.

Eh.

He fell asleep with practiced ease, the ticking falling away against the sound of the ocean tide breaking against the shore. A stereotypical beach scene was all he could remember of his dream when he woke up to something heavy in his lap.

"For Christmas, I want a best friend who doesn't cause drama. And, I want a perfect prince who will sweep me off my feet. Oh, and a safe friend who won't nap when we have an urgent mission to complete," Ino said, mimicking a little girl with her hands clasped politely in front of her and her feet swinging.

"What are you on about?" he asked, looking at the clock. 1:32. She was so late.

"Just telling Santa what I want for Christmas. I've been a really good girl this year. I'm basically my dad's partner in running the business, and I haven't even demanded a raise yet!" She said, smiling mischievously as if there were a joke he wasn't in on.

He scowled at her, "Get off my lap, you're heavy!"

Her amused expression disappeared instantly, "You know what? You're lucky I'm nice. Because, I should let you walk into the lunch room like that for what you just said."

"Looking like what?" he asked with an annoyed sigh that was specifically reserved for the two blondes in his life who insisted on pestering him (what had he done to deserve this…he paid his taxes and helped little girls find their moms…his karma should be in good shape). Falling asleep around this woman was dangerous. "What'd you do?"

Digging a pocket mirror out of her purse and holding it up to him so that he could see the curly mustache and beard she had drawn on him with pen, she burst out laughing. He groaned, "Ino."

She wiped the corners of her eyes and laughed for a few moments more until she felt she had tortured him enough. Digging in her purse again, she pulled out some makeup wipes and handed them to him.

Snatching the wipes and mirror from her outstretched hands, he quickly wiped her artwork away. Meanwhile, she stood up and started messing with the things on his desk. Thoroughly annoyed with her, he asked, "Do you realize how late you are?"

"Relax, Shikamaru, don't you realize that she watches for when you go to lunch?" Ino said, nodding her head knowingly.

"How do you know that?"

"I just know that type of girl," she insisted.

"Ah, so you're recognizing a fellow creeper?" Shikamaru asked with his (trademark) raised eyebrow and finger wiggling on the last word.

She whirled around and jabbed an accusing finger in his direction, "You're really pushing it today. I have half a mind to go on and tell her your address. And, once you have someone's address, you can look up their phone number. Then you'll be getting phone calls all night where the caller hangs up right when you answer because she doesn't have the courage to talk to you yet!"

Properly threatened, he tidied the things she'd moved on his desk and then gestured for her to lead the way out of the room. They walked down the hallway in silence (shocking!) and Shikamaru took the moment to go over the plan again to see if the new variable (Ino's lateness) would throw off the plan too much to salvage for today.

The problem was that, for all of Shikamaru's tactical intelligence, he didn't really understand the workings of the female brain and their various (erratic) emotions. But, if Ino was right about her waiting for him to go to lunch break, there seemed to be a pretty high success rate to this mission.

He opened the door to the break room and slipped in alone. Ino had gone to the bathroom and was probably leaning against the sink counting in Mississippi's. Since it was well pass the time for most lunch breaks, the break room was deserted.

The blinds were pulled down against the noon sun, the coffee in the pot was low, and the fridge was happily humming in the corner. Had the fridge always hummed? Reflecting on how much was drowned out by the bustle of humans, he plopped in a barely padded chair and started pulling out his typical junk food lunch.

As Ino predicted, the door opened with a soft click, and Shiho appeared in the doorway. She smiled nervously at him and quickly crossed the room to sit across from him. Everything was going according to plan.

She laid her things out in a precise line, shooting him furtive looks frequently, while Shikamaru scowled at the thought that Ino was right. He could envision her smug look already. She would tilt her head to the side, raise her eyebrows at him, and put her hands on her hips. Tsk. How annoying. He started preparing a creeper comment so she couldn't bask in her smugness for too long.

"A-ah, Shikamaru," Shiho spoke up. Shikamaru sat up straighter in his chair (uh-oh). "There's been something I've been wanting to ask you…,"

Another variable in the plan. There was no one in the break room, so Shiho was taking this opportunity to ask him to the party. He hated this. Shikamaru had no problem turning women down, but her repeatedly asking him to every party was starting to make him feel like a bully.

He looked at the clock. It'd been fifty Mississippi's by now, right? It had to have been. Where was Ino? Looking around desperately for anything, his eyes locked on the coffee can sitting next to the pot he'd noticed earlier and blurted, "They've changed the type of coffee."

"Oh, uh, yeah. They switched to classic roast," Shiho said.

"It doesn't seem to be too popular. Usually the pot is empty by now," Shikamaru continued even though her face had fallen at his sudden switching of subject (he couldn't wimp out now).

"Actually, I think they, uhm, brewed another pot," Shiho answered. She still hadn't touched any of her meal, watching him intently instead. "So, uh, what I was meaning to ask…"

Where the hell was Ino! That girl didn't know how to be on time to anything to save her life. When he saw her he was going to-

"Shika-kun!" Ino finally burst in, trilling and waving a purple lunch bag in the air. "I thought I told you I was going to be bringing you lunch. You really have no patience."

He scowled at her, "You were really late. And, I told you already, I don't like the healthy food you force on me."

Shiho leaned back in her chair, her jaw hanging in a way that he thought only happened on cartoons. Ino looked over at her, too, and extended a hand out to her, "Did I interrupt a conversation? I'm terribly sorry. My name is Ino."

Shiho shook her head and the offered hand. She seemed shocked that Ino was really here and that her hand hadn't passed through like she was a hologram. Shikamaru looked (really looked) at Ino for the first time that day and understood the reaction. She was dressed to the nines (probably in case he had any cute coworkers), wearing a white t-shirt with a v-shaped cut, dark wash jeans, and a black jacket. Shiho wasn't bad looking, but next to Ino she appeared frumpy. Anyone one would, though.

"Shiho."

"This guy never eats right. Everything I tell him about the importance of being health conscious goes in one ear and out the other. I'm just looking out for him and he acts like I'm a horrible nag," Ino said exasperatedly, jabbing him in the spot (her favorite spot) that seemed to be permanently bruised since he'd met her.

"Don't let her fool you, she is a nag. She is obsessed with health food," Shikamaru groused, leaning his head against his palm and trying to covertly eat his unhealthy food. He knew that even though the health food was just a part of the mission, she would try to force him to eat it, because she was always trying to force him to eat it.

Ino smiled so big that her nose wrinkled and he could see that she was enjoying herself. He rolled his eyes. Only Ino could have fun while being bashed, even if it was just for a mission. Then, she noticed him sneaking the unhealthy food and practically lurched from her seat to snatch the bag with the offending (awesome, tasty, good) food. He missed it by a few seconds and she triumphantly dangled it beyond his reach.

Shiho brought their attention back to her (he had actually forgotten she was in the room) with a small cough, "So, do you take care of him a lot, then?"

"I have to, otherwise he'd probably be dead by now," Ino said, wiggling the lunch bag another time for good measure before stowing it away between her legs where he guessed she assumed he wouldn't grab. "Or, morbidly obese at least."

"Ah, so you're really close?"

"Yeah," Ino smiled. She leaned forward, propping her head on her hands, and asked, "Are you going to the party? I'll be there with this guy. Are you going to wear a dress? Shikamaru won't tell me how formal the thing is. He tells me to come in my pajamas for all he cares."

Shiho's gaze fell to the table, her hair coming around to hide her face and her shoulders sagging. Shikamaru had seen her expression almost literally droop before her face had been obscured and suddenly all the amusement is gone from Ino. She wasn't having fun anymore and she shifted in her chair, appearing to struggle with something. Shikamaru was pretty sure that she was about to say something that would ruin everything and gripped her hand in warning.

"It's not formal…just a bit dressy," Shiho said while standing up. Collecting her things quickly, she messily shoved them into her lunch bag, "W-well, it's late. I had better get back to the desk. I have some…uh…forms to do."

And, then she was gone in a flutter of an overlarge lab coat.

Ino rocked back into her chair and stared up at the ceiling. "I thought she would have a little more confidence since she asked you to the dance so often. I didn't think she would remind me so much of younger Sakura."

Shikamaru could never imagine Sakura being shy or unconfident like that. Leaning his elbow on the back of her chair, he voiced this.

"I met Sakura back when we were in first grade. Remember how I said her mom took a lot away from her? She seemed so sad and little and hesitant. And, full of longing. She wanted to be more confident, but she didn't know how."

"She's come a long way, then."

"I helped her. She just needed a little push," Ino said with a fond smile. "When I saw her smile fully for the first time, I was so happy. That's one of the reasons why I went into the field I did. I want to help kids get past their problems, and I know that art is a good way to do that. I want to help Shiho."

Shikamaru shifted in his chair, "You can help her, as long as you don't try to set me up with her."

"Why? What don't you like about her?" Ino asked, looking at him curiously.

"Bachelor's oath, remember?" he said.

"Oh yeah. Do you really need to follow that anymore? No one else has kept it. Don't you think you would be happier if you broke it and let a girl come into your life?" Ino asked.

"Love is not a requirement for happiness. I've done just fine without it. I don't care about the others, I've decided not to fall in love because it sucks. It does nothing but hurt," Shikamaru said. "Besides, if I broke the Bachelor's oath our Safe Friends pact would be broken. I would get married and you would be the only one of your friends not married. If I talked to you too much, whatever girl I dated would get jealous. And, I wouldn't need you to keep girls away from me anymore."

"I guess," Ino said, sounding only a tiny bit unconvinced.

"Seriously. You can help her, but don't you dare get any ideas of hooking us up. Hook her up with someone else. Go to the party and pick some sucker out from there. Just leave me out of it."

"Don't worry, Shikamaru. I won't break our Safe Friends pact. I will keep girls away from you," she assured him, standing up. With a wink, she left the room, calling good bye just before the door shut.

That was when he realized that she had left with the good lunch and left him the crappy health-conscious meal.

Curse her. Cringing, he took his mind off the memory of forcing the stuff down and turned his attention instead to the sudden loud noise on the phone. Naruto had answered, and Shikamaru could hear the TV blaring in the backround. Something to do with guns, because he heard a cacophony of shots ringing out, men shouting, and a car alarm going off.

"Naruto, turn the TV down," he sighed into the phone.

Just as suddenly, the noise disappeared, "I muted it. What's up, man?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes at his teenage talk, but said, "Can I talk to Hinata?"

"Oh, sure," Naruto said. Then he started chattering about Minato until he handed the phone over to his meek wife. Shikamaru was never a kid-person, so he only half listened and said "uh-huh" and "really?" in what he assumed were the right places.

He was relieved when Hinata finally took the phone and said, "Hello?"

"Hey, Hinata. You should take Ino to a movie or something."

There was a pause, "Ino Yamanaka? You know her?"

"I live near her, yeah," Shikamaru said. He wanted to just tell her about Sakura, but Ino would kill him if he did. And, Hinata would be hurt. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. So, he said, "She's been stressed from work, having work problems or something, and has been bugging me non-stop. So, this is an SOS call. Please take her out and get her out of my hair."

Hinata giggled and said, "Sure, Shikamaru, I'll take her out. Thank you."

"Yup." He ended the call. "Troublesome woman."

The week passed quickly and he didn't see the troublesome blonde that much during that time. She wasn't avoiding him…at least he didn't think she was. With Mother's Day coming up soon, she was putting in a lot of hours at the family shop.

Shikamaru pulled into her driveway and honked his horn twice. When he saw her emerge and turn to lock up behind her he was glad to see that she hadn't been serious about her prom dress threat. He had been ninety percent sure that she wouldn't, but then there had been that ten percent that nagged at the back of his mind. When she moved closer, he noticed that while she still looked beautiful, she looked tired. She didn't have dark rings or anything, she just seemed exhausted. Like, she was projecting this aura of exhaustion.

Frowning, he slumped in the driver's seat, hoping that the Safe Friends pact didn't expect any cheering up pep talks or long drama-filled listening sessions, because that was really what girl friends were for. He was a guy and it wasn't fair for her to expect him to want to do that.

She went to open the door, but it was locked. Instead of unlocking it, Shikamaru started backing out of the driveway. He could see that she was laughing as she followed him a few steps. He started picking up speed and the laugh quickly became a scowl. He picked up his speed some more, and she stopped following him and was shouting something at him that he couldn't hear over the steady bass thump of some song that he wasn't paying attention to.

Ino huffed, crossed her arms, and threatened to go back up into her house. He considered messing with her a little more and driving around the block, but the prospect of having to coax her out of the house was so unappealing that he guided the car back into the driveway. For good measure, she held her ground and pouted with her back to him.

Shikamaru rolled down the window, "Come on, get in!"

She turned around, giving him a reproachful look, and reached for the handle again. Shikamaru couldn't help it, he hit the gas and reversed again (just one last time, oh boy the look on her face!).

"Shikamaru!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said, unlocking the door and making a show of removing his feet from the pedals. She huffed again and finally slipped into the passenger seat. "I see that you decided to wear a dress."

"Yup."

"And, thankfully, not a prom dress."

"So, you were listening after all!" she said, sitting up straight and pointing a finger at him.

Shikamaru shrugged and turned the radio up. Ino glanced at him before adjusting the hem of her white dress and leaning back in her seat. The ride was quiet. Quiet didn't usually disturb him, but it seemed off whenever he was around Ino. She was just so full of noise and motion that it was like watching a silent movie when she wasn't talking or shouting or laughing. Normally, she would have turned the radio down eventually to tell him some story when she couldn't bear not talking any longer. But, she didn't.

He felt an annoying urge to ask her about Sakura again. He had finally decided to just get it over with when he put the car into park, but Ino beat him to speaking.

"I'm going to help Shiho tonight. So, I will split my time between hanging off your arm and being generally charming and convincing the girl to let me teach her how to dress for her body type. And, that you're not the only eligible bachelor around," Ino said. "When I'm doing that, feel free to ditch me for the television."

Shikamaru went around the car and helped her out, thinking that she was being a very reasonable date. He was starting to truly like the Safe Friends pact. "Sounds good to me."

"If any girl tries to sink her nails into you, find me," she added as an afterthought as she hooked arms with him. When they entered the room, the people inside literally stopped what they were doing to gawk at them. He wasn't sure if it was because he had actually shown up with a date (he had never EVER done that before) or if it was because Ino was extremely pretty. Probably a mix of both.

Ino smiled and waved and his co-workers collected themselves and mostly returned back to what they were doing. Shikamaru scanned the room to see if _they_ were there, but he didn't see them. Good. He had heard that they were on a business trip, so they were going to have to miss the party.

He started to head in the direction of the television, but, unfortunately, since he'd never shown up with a date before, there was a lot of interest and they were assaulted with questions.

"How long have you guys been together? Shikamaru has never mentioned a girlfriend."

"Oh, Shikamaru wishes we were together. His mother paid me to come with, you know!"

"Did she really?"

"No, I'm just kidding. Shika and I are really close friends so I agreed to go with him to this."

"Shika? Isn't that just the cutest?"

"Wow, Shikamaru, you shouldn't let this one get away."

"Eh."

"Shikamaru, how did you manage to catch a beauty like this?"

"Eh."

"Hey, Shikamaru, why don't you bring her around more often?"

"Eh."

"I heard she brought him lunch and was sitting on his lap in the office! They can't say that they aren't dating. They are totally sleeping together."

"We're standing right here and can hear everything you say."

After what seemed like forever, Shikamaru managed to slip away and take his customary place by the television. The other guys turned to look at him, gave him suggestive eyebrow wiggle, and then turned back to the screen. He just shook his head exasperatedly and then lost himself in the game.

He didn't know how much later it was when he turned to check on Ino (somewhere into the second game) and couldn't find her anywhere. Okay, maybe she was just in the bathroom. But, two commercial breaks later he still couldn't spot her among the people. Maybe she was outside? More concerned than he wanted to admit, he checked around the building and found little more than a few smokers.

Returning to the main room, he walked around and asked a few people if they'd seen her. They all said no and he wondered what possibly could have happened to her. She wouldn't have just left, would she? Surely she would have let him know?

Running a frustrated hand over his face (why did she have to disappear when he was responsible for her? Her dad would probably kill him). Ino. Stupid, troublesome, dramatic woman.

Then he spotted Shiho. Ino had probably spent a good portion of the evening pestering her and she would probably know what happened to her. Relunctantly, he made his way over to her.

"Shiho, hey, have you seen Ino?" he asked.

Shiho turned to him with startled eyes, looking bug-like behind her magnifying glasses lenses. She gestured with her thumb at the exit, "We were outside talking about…well, talking…when she got a call. Her face looked really pained throughout the conversation and she looked angry when she ended the call. But, she told me not to worry. That she was just having some issues with her friend."

Sakura. Seriously. He was starting to have less than kind feelings about the girl. She'd been nothing but a thorn in his side since he'd met Ino (as if Ino weren't enough to deal with without her added problems).

"Takashi - that stupid guy really does have the worst timing - staggered up, drunk and slurring. He went to throw an arm around her and caught her by surprise, knocking her over. She scraped her knee up pretty bad. But, when I offered to go get the first aid kit, she waved me off. She said she just wanted to go home and to go tell you that she was tired and to have fun without her. I was looking for you, but you weren't by the tv anymore."

"Thanks, Shiho," he called over his shoulder. Shiho had seemed genuinely concerned and he marveled at how fast she'd turned a rival into a friend. Ino seemed to draw the people around her in (like another annoying blonde he knew).

Troublesome as she was, he knew he had to see if she was okay. He had let her down the last time, and he knew his conscious wouldn't let him live it down if he did it again.

Her door was locked when he tried it and she didn't answer when he knocked on the door a couple of times. Sighing, he bent over and plucked the key from its hiding place between the siding and planking of the small porch.

"Ino?" He shouted and was answered by a loud crashing noise and a startled shriek. Following the sound, he found her standing in the bathroom, wearing only a long sleeved shirt, her bare feet a scant few inches from a broken ceramic bowl.

She pressed her hand to her heart, "You scared me, Shika! You can't just barge in here like that!"

"You should have answered the door," Shikamaru said.

"I thought you were Sakura," she said, leaning over to pick up the large broken pieces. He held the garbage can lid open for her, noting that she had already bandaged up the knee scrape.

"Hm, and do you want to talk about Sakura? Shiho told me about her call."

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"For a price."

"A price? Forget it. You should be paying me to listen. I don't really care that much."

"But…I got hurt. See?"

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"Give me back tickles."

"Back tickles?"


	6. The Tunnel

**Chapter Six: The Tunnel**

After much pleading and agreeing to put pants on, Shikamaru finally caved in to giving Ino back tickles.

"Whatever that is," he grumbled, following her into the living room.

She bit her lip, feeling more than a little stupid and considering telling him not to worry about it anymore. Back tickles were a bit childish, after all (and she'd definitely made herself look immature enough in front of him as it was).

"Well?" Shikamaru asked impatiently, "What are back tickles?"

Deciding that she had already put too much work into getting him to agree already to be suddenly self-conscious now, she said, "Back tickles are only about the most amazing thing in the world. Lay down and I'll show you first."

Shikamaru shot her a wary look before obediently (like a good boy) doing as she had directed. When she pulled at the hem of his shirt, he startled and the back of his head nearly collided with her face. Letting out an angry yelp of surprise, she shoved his head back towards the couch. "Don't be so skittish, you almost knocked me out. Yeesh, not everyone is trying to seduce you, you know."

He 'humphed', but held still this time when she lifted his shirt up in the back. Pulling the hem until it rested over his shoulder blades, she settled next to him on the couch and said, "Alright. This is how you do back tickles. Pay close attention."

She leaned over him and ran just the pads of her fingers in varying patterns across his back lightly. Shikamaru squirmed a little, but didn't say anything. "Notice how I don't just move my fingers up and down. I move all over, otherwise your skin gets used to the contact and pattern and it doesn't feel tickly anymore."

Ino felt like being nice, so she gave him back tickles for a full minute before she demanded that it was her turn. Lying on her stomach on the couch, she felt giddy. Her dad used to give her back tickles, but he stopped once he'd decided she'd gotten too old. It'd been forever, and they really were the best thing in the world.

With a content sigh, she closed her eyes and snuggled deeper into the cushions of the couch. Why hadn't she thought of forcing Shikamaru to give her back tickles before? He was really good at it and he typically gave into things if she pestered him long enough.

Her eyes were drifting shut when Shikamaru cleared his throat and reminded her about her end of the bargain, "Well?"

"Oh," she said, shifting. "Well, last week, when I talked to Sakura…she was supposed to be waiting for my advice. But, I shouldn't have taken so long to calm down. She told me that night that she had already decided. She said she is going to tell Naruto that she has started to fall for him, because she doesn't want to regret not doing it."

She paused to give him a chance to say something, but he kept quiet, so she kept going, "I've spent this whole week trying to convince her to not to tell him. After a while she stopped answering my calls. When I called, Sasuke would tell me she was out, even though I could hear her in the background telling him that she didn't want to talk to me. He even asked me what was going on between us, and I told him we just had a disagreement."

"God, I just wanted to tell him. Just say, 'Hey man, keep an eye on your wife. She's going after Naruto. Maybe you should take her out on a date or something'. But, no. I didn't say that. Well, I did tell him that he should take her on a date."

She shifted again and turned her head to look at him, "Shikamaru. Pattern."

"Oh," he said, realizing that he'd accidentally been moving his fingers in the same line. He fixed it and then asked, "What did she say on the phone tonight?"

Ino frowned and dropped her face onto the cushion (it smelled good; boy was she glad that she cleaned them earlier this week). "She said that she was going to tell him as soon as possible. Probably tonight, if she could get a hold of him."

"Oh," Shikamaru said again.

"Yeah. She didn't even wait for me to say my arguments. She knows what I think. She asked me how I was enjoying the party, told me she was going to tell Naruto, and then hung up," Ino said. "I tried calling Naruto, but he didn't answer."

He was probably with Sakura right now. Poor Hinata. Poor Sasuke. And, Sakura was probably telling him right now. Or, maybe she already had and maybe he had admitted that he had never stopped liking her. And, maybe they're getting caught up in the moment and forgetting about their other obligations. Sakura probably took them to the tunnel, so they didn't have to worry about anyone catching them.

Her mind kept running down this trail of thought against her wishes and she grimaced at the destination image. Ew. Ew, ew, ew, EW! She didn't want to picture Sakura and Naruto at the tunnel…doing things.

Wait! The tunnel! She sat up quickly, reminiscent of Shikamaru earlier, and they nearly bonked heads again. "The tunnel!"

Shikamaru's eyebrows shot up, "The tunnel?"

She didn't stop to explain, running back to her room to change. Of course, the tunnel. That's where Sakura would take him and there would be no one there to catch them. So, _she_ had to be there to catch them. Well, her and Shikamaru. If he would go (the tunnel was creepy without company, she would beg him if she had to).

Ino returned dressed all in black to find Shikamaru putting on his shoes. She threw him one of her oversize sleeping sweaters to put on over his white 'dressy-casual' shirt. Pulling out his keys, he asked, "Where is the tunnel?"

Of course Shikamaru had figured out why they were going. He was Shikamaru. Smiling, she held the door open for him and told him the address.

On the way there, Ino explained the back story of the tunnel to him. The tunnel was a place that she and Sakura had accidentally found one long summer. The pool had been closed down because of issues with the plumbing, so their typical hang out had been compromised. After a few nights of sitting on Sakura's porch, drinking fruit punch, and complaining about the loss of the community pool, Ino had jumped up and said that they had to find a better place to hang out. Sitting on the porch day after day was boring and too similar to the activities of the elderly.

So, they went exploring. They wandered all over the town and marked down the location of promising suspects in a notebook. From the direction of this story, one would think that the tunnel had become the new hang out spot, but it hadn't. It was too dark and away from others that (though it had made the list) it had lost to the park with the skating boarding set up. They would dress up in tantalizing short-shorts and tank tops to watch the skate punks do tricks while swinging on the swings. That had been a good summer.

But, no. Back to the tunnel. The issues that had disqualified the tunnel as a hang out place had made it perfect for other activities. Because they were young girls and weren't into the drug scene, these activities mainly consisted of sharing secrets and, of course, making out (not with each other, obviously…they weren't _that_ close).

Which is why that ought to be where Sakura tells Naruto (she'd be expecting some kissy-face afterwards, for sure).

Ino directed Shikamaru to park out of the way so that the car wouldn't be spotted (even though they'd taken his car and Sakura probably wouldn't recognize it) and he pulled a couple of flashlights out from the glove department.

Leading the way, she showed him the entrance of the tunnel. The tunnel was…well, it was the tunnel. She had no idea what the functional use of the tunnel was, just that it was long, made of cement, and curved slightly on one side. Sakura thought that maybe it was just an architectural statement. They turned the flashlights off about halfway through, not wanting to alert Sakura and Naruto of their presence and trailed their fingers along the wall.

The complete darkness made Ino nervous and the way the night noises oddly echoed within the structure didn't help. Something, a rock or a brick maybe, caught her foot and she landed on her already-injured-that-night knees.

"What happened?" Shikamaru asked, his whispering voice close behind her.

Scowling (even though he couldn't see it), she said, "Nothing much. Just tripping over things in the dark and almost killing myself. Aren't you, the guy, supposed to catch me? That's the way it happens in all the movies and books."

He snorted, "How was I supposed to catch you if I can't even see you?"

"The hero in the movies and books always catch the heroine," she stubbornly repeated.

"Too bad this is real life," Shikamaru said. His hand brushed her boob, and even though he was probably just blindly stretching his arms out to find her in the dark, she startled back.

"Hey," she protested a little too loudly. Lowering her voice more, she continued, "Watch where you're touching."

"I'm sorry," Shikamaru said (and, to his credit, he really did sound sorry).

Ino didn't respond, instead finding his elbow in the dark and trailing her hand down to take his to keep it in a safer area. They walked hand in hand down the rest of the tunnel, moving slowly so as not to make too much noise (or stumble over anymore rocks), and Ino felt her stomach tighten in anticipation.

She was nervous what she would find at the end of the tunnel. She really hoped that Naruto had moved on. He seemed to be madly in love with Hinata…but maybe he did still foster his feelings for Sakura under the surface. Did love get replaced? Or, was all love separate from other love? Was it even possible to love more than one person romantically at once?

They rounded the curve and the other end of the tunnel was suddenly in sight, displaying the silhouettes of a couple lit from the weak yellow beam of a street light. She felt her stomach plummet with disappointment as she dropped Shikamaru's hand, because it was so obvious that the shadowed figures were enthusiastically groping each other.

Unable to stop herself, she lunged forward, only to find herself restrained by Shikamaru's hand clutching her shirt hem. She shook him off and bursted into the light, startling the couple so much that they jumped apart and one fell to the ground ungracefully.

"I can't believe you guys!" Ino shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the girl. Then she hesitated and peered closer at the girl. Where there should have been pink hair was a long brown braid. This wasn't Sakura.

The girl that wasn't Sakura narrowed her eyes, "What are you talking about? Who are you?"

Ino's mind was momentarily frazzled, unable to comprehend that this couple wasn't who she thought it was. As her mouth worked up and down, the boy helped the girl back up to her feet and Shikamaru came to stand next to her.

"Sheesh, Lady, what's your problem?" the girl asked, her eyes still narrowed.

The rudeness in the teenager's voice snapped Ino back to reality, and the blonde pulled herself up to her full height. "What are two doing out this late? What would your parents have to say about this?"

The boy, who still hasn't said a word, bit his lip nervously and looked to the girl. She laughed and said, "It doesn't matter. They don't know we're here, and you don't know them to tell them."

"I'm sure the police could figure out the number," Ino said, raising her eyebrows meaningfully. She can't help a self-satisfied smirk as the girl's jaw snapped shut and her expression suddenly becomes horrified.

"We were just leaving, actually," the boy spoke up, tugging on the shocked girl's arm. She let him drag her away, but not before shooting Ino a look of annoyance and dislike. When Ino was that age, she would have hated herself, too. But, now, it was just plain fun.

Leaning against the cement wall, Ino turned to Shikamaru and said, "Is it bad that I found that immensely satisfying?"

He laughed, "No. Some teenagers are punks."

"True, true," Ino said, sighing. Then, patting her legs and staring at the rocks illuminated from the streetlight, she added, "I'm so glad that wasn't Naruto and Sakura, though."

Shikamaru leaned next to her, their arms just brushing, "Yeah. Me, too."

She tilted her head to get a good look at his face. The street light was illuminating his face similar to the way a candle would and he seemed softer and more attractive. This type of romantic glow had been part of what attracted Sakura and her to this spot for their kissing-needs. It was weird to be standing with someone she never intended to kiss in the spot that she'd kissed several boys before (some while leaning in this same exact spot).

To get her mind off of the strangeness of the situation, she said, "We need a plan."

"What do you suggest?"

She tilted her head again, but this time to give him a hard look, "Aren't you the tactical genius here? What would _you_ suggest?"

"I don't know. I guess we would want to keep Naruto and Sakura from having alone time. And, we would want to have Hinata and Naruto do more romantic things to remind him what he haves in case Sakura slips past us," Shikamaru rolled his eyes at her, but answered nonetheless. "But, do you really think we should meddle? Maybe we should just let them resolve things on their own."

"Are you crazy!" Ino said, pushing away from the wall in agitation. She took to pacing back in forth at the mouth of the tunnel. "We can't. There is no way that we can. Naruto was _crazy_ about Sakura. I would even go so far to say obsessed. Do you know how many times he asked her out? He didn't give up even until Sakura and Sasuke's wedding day. He's had those feelings for her since we were kids. It isn't fair to him or Hinata for Sakura to tempt him like this."

"If Hinata and Naruto's marriage can't handle this pressure, then maybe it isn't a truly happy or strong marriage."

Ino stopped pacing and face him, "Shikamaru, even if their marriage did survive the ordeal, don't you realize that it would throw off our whole friend group dynamic? Sakura would never be close friends with Hinata or Naruto again. And, the rest of us would be forced to pick a side. Things like this are horribly messy. We barely made it when Sasuke cheated on me, and we only managed to save our friendship because I gave up. But, do you expect Hinata just to give her husband up? What about Sakura? And, Sasuke? How would this affect him? He'd be heartbroken and angry. He'd probably leave town and we'd never see him again. And, Sakura would probably end up completely alone."

Shikamaru held both of his hands up, "Okay, okay. I get it. I'm sorry, I guess I didn't think about how serious this is."

Feeling bad for getting on him, Ino tucked her hair behind her ear and said, "What you said is what I was thinking, you know the part about keeping them away from each other. You're friends with Naruto, right?"

Shikamaru nodded.

Ino held her chin and brainstormed for a few moments, taking to pacing again. He followed her circular progress with his eyes, similarly lost in thought. Her face bursting into a wide smile, she moved closer to Shikamaru and said, "I have an idea!"

He raised his eyebrows to indicate for her to go on and she happily obliged.

"You're friends with Naruto, so you can start a project with him that will keep him busy in his free time. Try to get him over to your house as much as you can."

"How am I supposed to do that? If Sakura calls and tries to make plans with him, he'll probably cancel on me," Shikamaru said, his face suggesting that he didn't like the amount of work involved in the plan (typical Shikamaru…seriously).

"I don't know. Do something that could be seen as important. Get him to promise to help you build or fix something for your house. Naruto doesn't like to back out of promises, so he'll come over and help you whether Sakura calls or not."

"I guess that's true," he admitted reluctantly.

"And, on nights that he isn't busy helping you, we can encourage him to go on dates with Hinata. We can offer to babysit Minato so that they can go out. If yo-,"

"Wait, why do I have to help watch the kid, too?" Shikamaru asked, wrinkling his face in distaste. "I'm not much of a kid person."

"Because, if you're with me, Hinata will be more inclined to go out. You see, if I offer to watch Minato myself, she will go out one or two times, but will feel too guilty to go more than that. But, if you're with me, her natural wish for me to be happy like her, she will see it as an opportunity for some match making."

"How will we explain me being there at all, though? It's no secret that I'm not a kid person. I would never willingly babysit."

Ino waved her hand, "Easy. We'll tell her that you owe me a favor. You do, after all, since I've more than taken care of the Shiho problem. I doubt she'll be asking you out anymore."

"Fine," he relented, crossing his arms at the loss. Then, curiously, he asked, "What did you and Shiho talk about? It seems like she considers you a friend now."

Smiling happily, she said, "Really? We just talked about hobbies and clothes. It turns out she has a pretty big garden in her back yard that she lovingly tends. We talked about you some, too."

"What did you say about me?"

"Oh, not much. We just discussed your rugged handsomeness and your secret soft spot."

He stared at her as if trying to discern if she were kidding or not.

Laughing, she amended, "Of course, those were Shiho's words and she doesn't know you all too well, does she? I told her that your secret soft spot is hidden way, way, way deep down and that you don't like to be considered anything but boss. I suggested she start calling you 'Boss Man' and she said that she would."

He groaned, "Why must you always have your fun at my expense?"

She laughed again, "Don't worry, I'm joking. I won't tell you what we said about you because Shiho told me in confidence. You'll just have to wonder and be satisfied with whatever your imagination comes up with."

He snorted, but wisely didn't bring up that she had brought him into the Sakura mess when it had nothing to do with him.

"What? Confidence is serious business. What kind of friend would I be if I spilled the beans?" Ino asked. She smacked a mosquito that had landed on her arm and decided that it was probably best to leave before too many more bit her, "Enough of that topic, let's head back."

Safely back in the bug-free car, Ino said, "Shikamaru, since I've told you about the tunnel, I think it's only fair that you reciprocate and tell me something about your adolescence."

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye for a few seconds before returning his attention back to the road. "I've already told you about the Bachelor Oath."

"But, I made you bacon and also told you about Sakura for that. So, it's definitely your turn."

"Fine," he said, starting to learn like everyone else that it was just best to concede defeat to her (she was clearly the master at getting what she wanted and the sooner that people understood this, the better). "What do you want to know?"

Ino considered for a moment, not wanting to waste this opportunity on a stupid question. After a song and a half had played through quietly on the turned down radio, she finally had one. Smiling a Cheshire-cat grin, she leaned back in the seat and asked, "Shikamaru, could you tell me about the girl who broke your heart?"

His face registered shock. For all his genius, he hadn't seen this one coming and was clearly thrown. Ino smirked more, pleased to catch him off guard. Frowning, he said, "She didn't break my heart. My heart hasn't been broken. That's for sissified guys."

It was Ino's turn to frown, "There's nothing wrong with having a broken heart or being a sensitive guy. You are such a sexist sometimes."

Shikamaru sniffed, obviously disagreeing, but not wasting energy debating with her.

Rolling her eyes, she said, "Okay. She didn't break your heart. But, tell me about the girl who motivated you to start the Bachelor's Oath. I'm dying of curiosity."

His jaw was clenched as he focused intently on the road stretching in front of them. His prolonged silence was starting to make her think that he was just going to disregard her question when he finally said, "Her name was Temari."

Ino bit her lip to stop from smiling in triumph. She didn't want to give Shikamaru any reason to quit his answer.

"I've never had success with girls. The ones I dated always had annoying personality flaws. Like, there was one who was calling me every hour. I'm not even exaggerating. She set an alarm on her watch that went off every hour so that she could check in on me, even through the night."

"Wow," Ino said.

"Yeah. That relationship didn't last long." He shifted his grip on the steering wheel, "Temari was the farthest from the type of girl I envisioned myself marrying. She was gorgeous, bossy, and boisterous. But, she was also the most normal one I'd dated. Before her, I started to think that only crazy girls could find me attractive."

Ino hid her smile at this admission with her palm. Shikamaru was definitely attractive, but she knew that it probably took the crazy girls to try hard enough to crack through his shell. Though, maybe he hadn't always had this tough shell. She patted his hand, but refrained from reassuring him that he was attractive in case this caused him to scowl and clam up.

"She did have some personality problems. She was overbearing and pressured me into going to law school. She said I'd be a wonderful lawyer and disapproved any other career plan. She also was manipulative and had a mean streak and tended to be jealous. I could look past that, though. I did. But, she broke up with me. It was the first time I hadn't ended things. She'd told me that she couldn't handle my laziness anymore. That I was too dull and that she wanted someone with aspirations who wasn't wasting his intelligence."

Ino snorted, feeling the need to defend him even though this offense had happened years ago, "That's ridiculous. You are infuriatingly lazy, but you do have aspirations and concerns. You care about people, whether you want to admit it or not, and always help when asked. Plus, you work hard. Shiho told me that you are one of the highest ranking at work."

Shikamaru sighed, "Maybe. But, she didn't see it that way."

Ino was quiet for a long time, absorbing this. Then she asked, "Did you love her?"

For a moment, he seemed angry that she would ask this. She thought he might yell at her, but then his face fell and he sighed again, "I think that I did."

"Oh," Ino said.

With perfect timing, they reached the house. Shikamaru unlocked the doors and waited for her to leave. But, looking back up at her house and thinking of how the angry words had hung in the air after the fight with Sakura and knowing that she wouldn't be able to sleep well with pictures of Sakura and Naruto dancing in her head, she hesitated. She didn't want to be alone with her anxieties and she didn't want this new camaraderie with Shikamaru to go away.

"Shikamaru."

"Hm?"

"I…will you stay over tonight?"

Surprisingly, he didn't ask why. Because he was Shikamaru, he must have already figured out (figures, of course he would).

"I guess."


	7. Spiders are Ewwy

**Chapter 7: Spiders are Eww-y.**

Shikamaru was hiding. He could hear Ino's footsteps crossing the floor above him and her voice calling his name. He shrank back more into the shadow of the space near the heater. He could also hear the baby's shrill screaming leaking through the floor. Minato...that baby had a set of lungs on him that could probably be heard five miles away like a lion's roar (it was more frightening than a lion's roar, too).

"Shika!" Ino called, "This isn't funny! Minato won't stop crying!"

Shikamaru was tempted to call back and tell her it was her own fault. She was the one who had volunteered the both of them anyway. And, she knew that he didn't like kids. But, no, he wouldn't say a thing. It was a trap, because as soon as he did, she would know where he was.

Wedging himself even further in his cold and spider-webby hiding spot, he shut his eyes. It wasn't like Ino could sneak up on him with a wailing child and he might as well take the opportunity for a little nap.

Shikamaru was a master at sleeping. He cleared his mind and focused on his breathing and was drifting off in no time. The best thing about sleep, was that sleep was quiet. No crying babies, no soiled diapers, and no smelly formula. Sleep was good.

However, Shikamaru must have underestimated how deep of a sleeper he was, because he woke up to Ino's fist in his stomach.

"Ugh," he said, his natural instinct to lean over hindered by the space he'd stuffed himself into. That girl hit a lot harder than he would have thought. Not to mention her attack had completely caught him off guard and stole his breath. She punched him again, this time hard in the shoulder.

Haha, jokes on her this time. She shook her hand and whimpered at the pain (duh, Ino, the shoulder is too bony to punch like that). When he laughed, she growled, jabbed him hard in the chest with her other hand, and said, "You jerk!"

He noticed then that the baby wasn't in her hands or crying, which explained why she had been able to go in the basement without him hearing her. She narrowed her eyes, "I can't believe you would leave me all alone with a crying baby! You could have helped me out by making a bottle while I tried to calm him down!"

"That baby is the spawn of the devil," Shikamaru grumbled, rubbing where she'd punched him in the gut while trying to squeeze out of the spot.

"He's not the spawn of the devil, he's just not used to being separated from both his parents at the same time," Ino defended the pint-sized monster.

"Okay, he might not be the spawn of the devil, but he is a freaking banshee. How did you get him to calm down anyway?"

Ino didn't answer right away, so he turned to look at her. She was frozen in place and staring at him with wide eyes.

"What?"

"Don't freak out...but...there is a massive spider on the back of your arm," Ino warned, pointing at his right arm. Yeah right like he'd freak ou...

"HOLY SHIT!"

"Shikamaru, I told you not to freak out!" Ino yelped when he started spinning around, trying to find something to kill it with while not letting the thing out of sight.

"I'LL STOP FREAKING OUT WHEN YOU GET THIS NASTY THING OFF OF ME!"

"Heck no! I'm not going near that thing!" Ino backed away from him.

"Get it off now!"

"No, Shika, get away!"

"Get it off!"

"Ew, stop!"

The hairy thing started crawling up towards his neck and he lurched forward, trapping her into the space he'd occupied minutes ago, "Come on, Ino! Get it off!"

"Fine!" she shouted. Pulling her sleeve past her hand, she whacked the thing off and sent it flying across the basement.

"Where'd it go?"

"I don't know, I lost track of it."

They looked at each other for a second before bolting for the stairs. The stairway was narrow, so they had to fight each other to make it through. Ino was smaller and quicker and managed to slip through the door before him. She threatened to shut it on him (she had a real mean streak at times), but he shouldered his way through.

"Do I have anymore spiders on me?" Shikamaru asked, turning for her to inspect him.

She shook her head and leaned over with her hands on her knees. They were both a little out of breath from the incident. When she straightened up, she had a smirk plastered across her face, "I didn't know you were afraid of spiders."

"I'm not afraid of spiders...I just don't like the gross things touching me."

"Whatever. You sounded like such a little girl down there," Ino said. She raised her voice to mock him, even though his was much deeper than hers, "Ino, Ino! Save me, please! Get it off, get it off!"

He crossed his arms, deciding not to even deign that with a response. Ino's smirk grew, "Are you pouting?"

"No."

In the resulting silence, Minato started wailing again. His face must have revealed his instinct to run, because she caught his sleeve and hissed, "Oh, no, you're helping me this time."

He groaned as she dragged him behind her into the nursery, "Troublesome woman."

Ino forced him to hold Minato and rock in the chair while she went to find the diaper bag. She was taking her sweet time (probably as punishment for disappearing earlier). He looked down at the baby, assessing him. Minato's face was scrunched up and was red like a tomato in his anger. His cries were shrill and bound to haunt his future nightmares.

"Hey, baby, quit crying," he said. The baby continued screeching. He picked the baby up to hold him at eye level. "If you keep crying like that, you'll never get a girl to like you."

His cries got a little softer, as if the baby wanted to hear what he was saying but also wanted to continue to express his displeasure.

"Girls say that they like sensitive guys, but they don't really. They mean that they like when guys are nice and vulnerable. But, once a guy starts crying they start to wrinkle their nose in disgust. Guys just look stupid when they cry. It's something to do in private," Shikamaru lectured.

Minato stopped crying, now sniffling and breathing loudly and shakily.

"You don't want to get the reputation as a crybaby. You'll be seen as a wimp for the rest of your life," Shikamaru continued.

"Do you really believe that?"

Shikamaru jumped as Ino startled him the second time that night.

"Believe what?" he asked.

"That girls think it's disgusting when guys cry?" she asked, setting the diaper bag on the ground by the rocking chair.

"Yeah, it's the truth. It's a real turn-off," Shikamaru said, handing Minato over for him to change.

She didn't respond immediately, focusing on unbuttoning Minato's onesie and changing him. He was subdued now, sucking on his thumb and hiccuping.

"Girls hate when guys are dramatic. But, they think it's cute when a guy gets teary eyed over a sad movie...especially when they try to hide it. And, they don't mind tears at all when a man is grieving. It's good to let feelings out and girls like to feel like a guy is letting his guard down around them," Ino said.

"Well, don't expect for me to ever cry," Shikamaru sniffed, leaning back in the rocking chair and closing his eyes. His nap earlier must've not been very long, because he was still tired.

"You weren't crying when I saved you from that spider?" she asked, snickering.

He cracked his eyes open to glare at her, "I was not crying."

"That's right, you're too boss, aren't you?" Ino said, snickering again.

"Whatever," Shikamaru muttered.

Ino stood and said, "Let's go downstairs. Now that he's been fed and changed, he ought to fall asleep."

He followed her into the living room and the settled on the (comfiest ever) couch. The nice thing about Naruto's house was, well, he was loaded. Which meant that his TV was humongous. And, Naruto tivo'd sports. Not just Gossip Girl, How I Met Your Mother, Next Top Model, and Glee like a certain someone else he knew.

Ino curled up next to him and snuggled with Minato on the couch and said nothing when he chose a baseball game. He expected her to complain, but she only shrugged and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "I'll let you watch sports because you are still traumatized from that horrible encounter earlier."

He scowled and ignored her in favor of the TV program. The game was bad again. His team lost again. He turned to look at her. She had put her head on his shoulder at some point during the game and Minato had fallen asleep on her chest, looking deceptively calm and normal.

She met his gaze and asked, "What?"

"Every time I watch a game with you, my team loses. You are bad luck," Shikamaru said.

She laughed, "Does that mean I don't have to suffer through anymore games?"

"Sports are infinitely better than America's Next Top Model," he said.

"No way, the competition is more fierce. Those girls are so catty," Ino said.

"Sports are better," he firmly maintained.

"Well, lets watch something else now," Ino said, reaching for the remote. He let her take it and she started flipping through the channels. She settled on a movie that appeared to be a chick flick.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Troublesome creeper woman."

Instead of attacking him, she turned the volume up and snuggled her face into his shoulder. He only had to watch half of it, because she fell asleep. He waved his hand in front of her face to ensure that she really was sleeping and then changed the channel. He left it on an action movie from demand, though he didn't pay much attention to it. Instead, he struggled with staying awake.

He almost lost to sleep when the couple finally stumbled in. Hinata was giggling and looked extremely happy and Naruto kept touching her. Her cheek and back and shoulder. Gross. They stopped when they saw them on the couch. Minato was still sleeping on Ino's chest, but Ino's head had slipped down to his lap so that she was laying flat out on the couch. Shikamaru had put a pillow under her head to make it more comfortable for the both of them.

"Did everything go well tonight?" Hinata asked in her soft voice as she scooped her son off of Ino. Minato seemed to take more after Naruto. He could never imagine Hinata wailing that loudly even as a baby. She probably cried apologetically whenever she was hungry. Like, "Excuse me parental figures, I happen to be hungry. But, you don't have to rush to feed me, I just wanted you to know that I was hungry in case you were in the position to feed me."

"It was okay. Though, he cries like a banshee," Shikamaru said, poking Ino's face to wake her up. She groaned and tried to pull away from him.

"Oh yeah, he's quite the yeller," Naruto laughed. "That's why we don't go out too often."

He poked Ino's face some more and she tried to pull away again. She pulled away too far, though, and tumbled off the couch. Startled from the sensation of falling, she was awake and alert to yelp and feel all the pain of the fall.

She looked prepared to shout an angry tirade at Shikamaru when she noticed Naruto (Hinata had disappeared upstairs with Minato). "Oh, how was your night?"

"It was good," Naruto said with a wide smile, "Thanks, you guys. We really needed to get out for a night."

"No problem. Call me again soon and we'd be glad to watch him again for you guys," Ino said (speak for yourself, crazy woman).

"Will do," Naruto said. "And, we'll start on your gazebo soon. We'll make a gazebo palace for you."

"Gazebo palace? No freaking way, she doesn't need something too big or intricate, just somewhere to sit and girlishly fawn over her stupid flowers," Shikamaru said.

Ino pinched his cheek hard, "Shikamaru is right. You don't have to do anything to grand for me. I appreciate it that you're making a gazebo for me in the first place."

"But, I want to, Ino. You'd look nice, like a Disney princess, sitting in your gazebo with flowers and finished wood. It would suit you. Plus, you've helped Hinata out plenty of times, we want to do something nice for you."

"You've been spending too much time with Lee," Shikamaru said, shaking his head.

"And, it's almost like you've been spending time with Sakura, the way you squealed when that sp-,"

Shikamaru clamped his hand over her mouth and dragged her to the door. He called a quick good bye to Naruto, all the while ignoring her muffled cackles, and made a hasty exit. He didn't uncover her mouth until they reached his car.

"What, didn't want Naruto to know about your fear of spiders?"

"I told you already, I'm not afraid of spiders," Shikamaru said.

"Uh huh," Ino said in an infuriating tone.

He unlocked his door, but neglected to unlock hers and started backing out.

"Not this again!"

"Say it," Shikamaru said.

"Say what?"

"You know what."

He kept backing out slowly as they had a staring contest. Ino blinked first and relented, "Fine. You're boss and not afraid of spiders. In fact, all spiders are terrified of you and screech when they see you approaching."

"Not that!" Shikamaru growled.

She blinked again in confusion. And, then, realization dawned on her features.

"Oh. Oh! I won't tell Naruto about the incident."

"And?"

"And, I won't tell anyone else either."

In response he unlocked the doors and let her slip into the passenger seat. Ino didn't ask him to stay over again, which he was glad because he was really tired and didn't want to spend another night on the floor. Ino hadn't wanted to be along at all that night, so she and him had made a little camp on the living room floor with sleeping bags and he had to listen her talk until she literally fell asleep mid-sentence.

He was glad to sink into his own bed again and promptly fall asleep. Ino was really busy with a bridal dinner rehearsal and he had work in the morning so he wouldn't see her for a few days. The complete freedom made him want to find a good hill and nap. He was grabbing his keys and getting ready to drive out to his favorite spot, when his phone rang.

He considered ignoring it and leaving anyway, but it rang insistingly, so he sighed and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Shikamaru, Honey?"

It was his mom. (Hopefully she wasn't calling him to nag him about not visiting her enough).

"Yeah?"

"Your uncle Asuma, he hasn't been feeling good. We're trying to get him to go to the hospital, but he keeps stubbornly telling us that he just the flu. I'm worried though because he seems in too much pain for it to be just the flu."

"And, you want me to go over and talk him into going to the doctor because I'm his favorite?" Shikamaru guessed.

"I knew you would do it. Thank you so much," his mom said, hanging up before he had a chance to object.

He looked as his watch. If he drove all the way over there, night would fall by the time he'd get back and he'd miss this nice and balmy night to cloud watch. His persuasive skills would be just as effective over the phone, so he'd try calling him first. If he didn't agree to go, then he would drive over there and force him out the door.

"I'm not going to the hospital."

"Hello to you, too, Uncle Asuma."

"I know what you're going to say. I'm not that sick, your mom needs to let well enough alone."

"It doesn't hurt to just go to the hospital."

"I don't like hospitals. They smell funny and they're too expensive. They'll probably send me to multiple doctors for 'second opinions' and I'll have to pay all of the bastards."

"You seem irritable. Is this the sickness talking?"

His uncle laughed, "It's not. And, I'm not going to the hospital. I haven't been to one since my dad died and I ain't ever going back."

"Everyone's worried about you. Just do it for them, okay?"

Asuma was quiet for a long moment. Shikamaru was starting to think that he'd hung up when he said, "Fine. I'll go."

"That's all I wanted to hear."

"Tomorrow."

Shikamaru groaned, "Hell no. Just get it over with tonight. If you just have the flu, then they'll tell you just have the flu, and then my mom will finally get off your case and you can be sick in peace."

"That's true."

"So, you'll go tonight."

Shikamaru could hear him let out a gust of breath on the other side of the phone and knew that he was smoking.

"I guess."

"You had better."

"I will, I will," he said. Another gust of breath. "You know, if Kurenai wasn't in Paris right now, you know I'd already have been there. Nothing can stop her when she's got her mind on something."

"Then do it for her too. She'll be stressed if you don't go, and stress isn't good for a pregnant lady."

"I already said I'd go."

"Are you walking out the door right now?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to stay on the phone with you until I hear a doctor confirm that you're at the hospital."

"And, you complain about your mother's nagginess," he complained. Shikamaru could hear the engine start on his side. Shikamaru made his way out to his own car and they chatted the entire car drive. He made it to the hill first and found his usual spot.

Laying at the clouds, he listened as Asuma told him about how his muscles were incredibly sore and how he kept getting these bad headaches. He was always a big baby when he was sick, but Shikamaru figured that it was always better to be safe than sorry.

"I'm at the hospital now," Asuma announced. Shikamaru heard him tell the receptionist about his symptoms. Then he handed the phone over to the receptionist.

"Hello?"

"Hi. This is his nephew. I just want to confirm that he really went to the hospital."

"Yeah, he's at the hospital."

"Which hospital?"

"Konoha Hospital."

"Can you swear on your life that you aren't a random citizen he paid to pretend to be a receptionist?"

"Uh, yes?"

"You don't sound too sure."

"I can. I can."

"Okay. Please make sure that he stays and sees a doctor. His family is worried about him."

"Alright. I will."

"Good."

Then he hung up and relaxed on the hill. It seemed lately he'd been asked to do a lot of favors. Tomorrow he was supposed to head over to Ino's to start working on the gazebo. They'd done a pretty good job of keeping Sakura away from Naruto. She hadn't gotten a chance to speak with him yet and the last time Ino talked to her, she had sounded really frustrated. She'd even said she never realized that Naruto was such a busy man before.

He was just starting to relax and enjoy his free night when he was once again interrupted by a call. The caller id read "Ino". He ignored it and looked back up at the clouds. One of them looked like a rabbit. She called again and he ignored it again. The wind must be picking up, because the clouds were traveling faster now. She called yet again.

This time he answered.

"What?"

"Hey, Shika, sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to see what you thought about something."

"Go ahead."

He could hear her smile so vividly that he could picture her wrinkling her nose in that pleased way she did, "Thank you. It's about Sakura."

"What has that girl done now?" he groaned.

"Something really strange. She's been giving me the cold front lately, because she suspects that I'm meddling. But, she called me today and told me about this job. It's working with patients recovering from TBI."

"TBI?"

"Traumatic Brain Injury."

"Ah."

"Yeah. She told me that she had a med school friend who was asking around for recommendations for employing someone experienced with the workings and healing of the brain. I guess she recommended me and the friend is interested in interviewing me."

"Wow."

"Yeah...do you think she's trying to bribe me onto her side? Or, like trying to get something to hold over my head?"

"I don't know. That sounds really movie-villain conniving and she is your friend. Maybe she just saw a good opportunity for you and knew how much you wanted a job in your field and didn't want to let it pass you by just because you guys were fighting."

"Girls can get pretty underhanded when they're fighting, though."

"Well. Even if she is using it for leverage, I say go for it. Unless you want to work at your dad's shop for the rest of your life."

"God, no."

"Then, just go for the interview. If she tries to use it against you, just threaten that you'll tell Sasuke and Hinata."

She got quiet just like Asuma. Then she said, "Okay, I will. Thank you, Shika."

"You're welcome. I'm going to turn my phone off now, I've done more than my share of good deeds today and I just want to look at rabbit-shaped clouds now."

She laughed, "You do that, then. Thank you again."

"Yep. Bye."

"Bye."

True to his word he turned his phone off. But, the sun was setting and it was going to be dark soon. Grumbling, he stood up and headed back to his car.

Screw everyone.


End file.
